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Thursday, February 9, 2012

The Sand of My Heart

Time flies so fast huh? Quiet a long time since the last time i met him personally. Finally,the time has come. I met him last night and we have a long talk. At first,he texted me cause he wanna meet me and invited me to watch a movie,but since it's almost 9pm,i rejected the invitation. He didn't give up to persuade me to meet him and finally I agreed to meet him. I just can't refuse to meet him. Huhu. Like usual,we met at our 'favorite' place,where we always meet before. Haihh.. Missing that place so much. Since the break ups,I rarely went there. I happened to get hurts when i see 'us' there. You get what i mean? The memories. Yeah. I still could see 'us' around me. :( That place kept 1001 story of our love. You can say that "bulan dan bintang,ombak dan angin bayu,menjadi saksi cinta kita". Hahaha. What the?? :D


*haha.. speaking pulak kan? :D*

:) What can i say? I just happy cause still get the chance to see him. Yeah you know.. God took him away from me. God doesn't give me the opportunity to be with him anymore. God didn't bring him back to me again. But I thank God because He is still giving me the opportunity to see him even from a distance. :') That what i was think about. I did saw him from a distance for several times. Whether he noticed it or not,i was there. We ever bumped into each other,but we acted like we don't know each other. It hurts me so bad. :') I can't help it whenever I see him around,I feel like wanna run away so that I won't see the face of someone that I misses so much. Weird huh? I misses him,but when I saw him,I wanted to run. Haha. :'D

Last night,we talked about our past. =/ He asked me how does he treated me all this while. Did he treated me well or not? All have been answered. Talked about it,realized me that i've put to much efforts on him,on our relationship. I realized that I spent so much time on him eventho' I've been ignored most of the time. I used to sacrificed my rest and sleep time just wanted to wait for him come back from work or having fun with friends,just because I wanted to text with him. Now he's with other girl. Whatever he told me about it last night,I just don't want to care too much,cause the more I care,the more I get hurt. I'm not hesitate to beg him that if one day he see me around while he's with her,I want him to hide himself. You know why? Cause I don't want to see him with any other girl. Not now please. Like i tell you,I'll get hurt more and more.

He said he needs some changes in life,I told him,he would never change,not so soon,but maybe in this 2 3 years. It's not that I hope the bad for him. Don't get me wrong. Above all that,I hope and pray so that his heart can be change. I want him to be a lover. Eventho' i just knew him for a year,but I discovered a lot about him. Maybe I get wrong on certain thing but I know him more than you do. *There are so many BUT huh?*

He loves to get hurt by a girl. That's him. I wonder,am I never hurt him? Is that why he leaved me? =.=' I asked myself this question once. Huhu. But all I know is I will never hurt the person that I love the most. I even not willing to see him sulking nor get angry on him. Sayang gilaaaa lah katakan. :') Haha. I promised to myself before that our relationship will not end because I'm cheating or because of the 3rd party. It has proven. Sadly,it ends because he gave up on me,on this relationship. He have many reason to stay,but He chose to give up on me. I have many reason to give up on him,but i chose to stay. He said he loves me,but he loves entertainment more. It's really hurting me you know? :(

Last night,I kept look at the moon,just like I'm looking for some hope,hopes that he will come back for me. But the hope seems fading away. And i realized that,there's no use to keep hoping anymore. So sad you know? Even the sky is so cloudy and make it's hard for me to see the moonlight. Arhh! Very dissappointing! :( I missed his warm hug,his hot kisses on my cheek and forehead. *EH! Budak under 18 tak blh baca ni! haha. =.=' * Hmm.. I miss to bite him when i'm so gerammmm with him. That's my habit bah. Couldn't help it so much. (T^T) I misses him petting my hair,calling me 'sayang',and the most I missed is when he manja2 with me. Huhu. I misses everything about him lah. Eventho' he's beside me,but what i need to say are not revealed by the words. :( And the worst way to miss someone is when they are right beside you and yet you know you can never have them. :(



I wants him so badly till I sempat2 pray there (at the place where we meet last night) so that God bring him back to me. LOL. Bodoh right? Like my friend said just now,"your heart just can't let him go yet." Oh you know what? I won't move on,i'll just follow the flow. What's the point if I say I move on but I still think about it? No use also right? Sooner or later I'll move on,it just it's not the time yet. So,the best way is just follow the flow. 

To people that keep asking me,why am I still like this? Why don't I just move on? Why I still get sad? Please don't ask me why. Let time decide how it will going on okay? :) Hey buddy,I know you can't bear to see the sad and pathetic me (and whatever lah),but thanks for being there for me eventho' I didn't ask you to be beside me whenever I'm sad. God,they are just so lovely cause they cared about me. Only You know how grateful I am to have them in my life. :')



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2 comments:

Faris Nazrin said...

nawwwh.. christie.. this is soo touching la girl.. :') its ok if u still have the chance to see him again.. eventhough u guys r just friends.. :D k? n seems like u r taking yr first step to move on huh? good for u.. n im proud to see that u r making a progress :) i guess, u realize that life is too short to be in sorrow right? so live yr life to the fullest.. once again.. im proud of u.. :)

Christie V said...

i just want him back Faris. -.-' hurm.. move on? i think so. sy pasrah ja. haha.. x perlu nak la proud bagai. serius x perlu. :)