Thursday, November 24, 2011

Be Grateful with What You Have

So here am i,wanna telling you guys that i had a good life for this time being although i have some problems,but yeah.. I managed to control it from hurting me inside and i'm not dying inside again. Not dying inside again? Hahaha. I LIED. I do still dying inside,but not as much as before. With all the lovely people around me,my friends,my family especially my mum and also my boyfie. They are my strength.

5 days ago,i was crying in front of this small thing (my notebook) while inbox-ing with boyfie. I told him all thing that has been bothering me. Lama dah oh ku tahan air mata,for a about a week la. Then,that night i teared up myself. Finally~ :') Boyfie opened up my mind to think more clearly and positively. So yeahh.. He did it! :')

So for now,i take things easy and just be calm. In this holiday mood,i'm more close to my own boyfie,which is my bestfriend too. ^^ Yeah. He once my best friend,and he is now. Still. Nothing's change. He always makes me happy. I have no idea but i can see that he starting to appreciate me more than before. He putted his attention on me more than before. Everything's change.

Last night we met and we have a long talk at Tanjong. Our regular place. =.=' Haha. Okay,i told him about my family and we talked about us. We flip back all of our memories,how is we met,such a coincidence actually. Then we talked about the night i called him for the first time just to asked for his help. How we start to couple,the night we having fun at his friend's place. But then,i felt sad when i remembered that i was lost him once. I asked him,did he ever think that one day he will lose me again. And he said no,he never do. But i do. Yes i do,like so many times. I'm afraid that i will lose him one day. :( I'm not hoping too. If can't may he will be the last,but i don't have the power to makes thing eternally belongs to me. But thanks to my friends,they do pray for me and wished me the best for this relationship. I didn't ask them to do that. It made me felt so touched and so blessed. Be blessed of all of you,friends. ^^

About friendship,i love it so much than any other thing in this world besides my family and my relationship. I'm afraid of losing one of my friend. Really. Knowing him for 3 years,we never meet,but he's one of my best friend. He's untouchable-and-unseen-friend that still contact me. We was close before but not now anymore. I just missed the old times i had with this friend of mine. But he seems getting far from me. I know why. It's because i'm in a relationship and he told me to appreciate what i had now. I do appreciate what i had now friend. Plus,i'm so grateful with it. But do you understand what i want? I want my old friend,the person that you used to be. If my other male friends can be close to me now even though they know that i'm in a relationship,why not you? So disappointed. :(

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Saturday, November 12, 2011

Beloved's birthday (11 Nov. 2011)

11.11.11-6 nombor yg cantik kan? Hehe. Org dok kecoh sal 6 digit ni oh kat Facebook and Twitter,dlm blog pun tak kurang jugak. Okay,tgk title entry ja dah tau kan aku nak kata apa? Hee~ :D Yes! It's his birthday. Special la sikit kan number tahun ni? Haha. Tp tak kesah pun pasal number2 ni. Hmm..

Semalam,time siang tak dpt jumpa my sweetheart ni,tp dah janji la nak jumpa time mlm. Hoho. ^^ Terpaksa maa... Kalau tak,tak special la kan? Lagipun nak bagi him present juga bah semalam. Dah lama aku prepare that present you know? 2 weeks ago dah prepare! Huhu. Awal kan?

Ok,last night meet up dlm pkl 10.30pm something la. Then we went to Tanjong Lobang,as usual la.. Haha =.=' Then,i heard he say,"sayang,bie haus la". I don't get him at first. I though he want to get some drink like 100 Plus or Cola maybe? Rupa2 nya drink like beer and so on. At first,berat hati juga mau suruh dia minum,lagipun he said takda kawan yg dpt kuar mlm tu since semua tgh kerja smpai ke tgh mlm. Dia minta aku teman dia minum,teman mksudnya duduk tgk jak la. Bkn bawa aku minum sama pun. Haha. Dia memang tak suruh pun aku minum. If so,bkn aku nak pun. Kecuali kalau event besar or da mood la (bila byk geng). But mostly mmg aku tak nak minum la. Mostly byk main pksa2 oh,tak suka. =/  Semalam dgr he said yg every year dia smbut birthday mcm ni bah,takkan tahun ni tak da mcm tu pulak,lain la rasakan? Tak best la konon. So aku tgk muka dia yg muka kesian mcm kucing kelaparan tu,luluh la hati ni tgk muka kesayangan mcm tu,so aku kata ok je lah tp dgn syarat,kejap ja. Both of us pergi ke A1 utk beli beer. =.=' 8 tin semuanya. Then fetched up his friend to the Tanjong. Pas tu dok cita2 la both of them,aku dok diam jak ngan meka. Just dgr prbualan mereka and da la ketawa sikit2 if mereka buat lawak.

Hampir pkl 12am,aku dah mula gelisah la,aku nak balik,tp tak dpt,sebab if aku balik,mereka 2 takda yg hantar balik rumah. =.=' Then kena la tunggu,dahla air mereka tu belum habis2 lagi 8 tin tu. Then,luckily his friends dah balik keja and pergi jumpa dia kat Tanjong tu. We lepak kejap2,then i decided to go home,his friend yg we bawa td,tumpang aku balik la sbb jalan sehala ja. My sweetheart tinggal la kat Tanjong tu with the rest. Before aku blah dr sana,aku bagi dia present yg aku dah sediakan.

Ni la present tu. Hehe. I don't know whether he like it or not. I don't know what to give bah. =/
But i sincere gave him this o.. Hope he like it lah. :)

So this is the birthday boy huh? My another half. ^^ Dear Stanley,me sayang you,you know that? Do sayang me always k? Haha. Gedik eh. Lalalala~ :p

Last night,aku rasa terharu bila tgk layanan dia kat aku semalam lebih mesra dr biasa. I mean,terlebih mesra la,tak mcm biasa. Last night he talked sweet thing to me,like showing his appreciation towards me,something like that la. Haha. That's what made me so touched. Aku sendiri pun heran bila tiba2 tgk dia being nice and sweet with me. Then he said "i love you baby" and so on lah. Selalunya aku yg ucap 3 words tu dulu. Mmg dr a day before birthday dia pun dia terlebih sweet pulak kat aku. Entah la. Mungkin mood baik sgt kot,biasalah,happy nak birthday ni. Haha.

Last night he kan he told me yang tahun ni ada lain (kurang) sikit la birthday dia if tak 'minum2'. Aku mcm agak terasa kecil hati la with that sentences. Why? Terasa mcm aku ni nak tahan2 dia dr buat apa yg dia nak buat (minum) before ni everytime dia birthday. Yalah,kan last year,birthday dia,dia dgn org lain,dia celebrate lain sikit,agak happening la kot? Waa~ Nak nangis ada jugak. Tapi when i heard he say "ada extra and kurang la birthday bie thn ni. Yg extra nya,I GOT YOU WITH ME. Last year kan takda?" Huhu. Then aku pun terus ok la. Haha. =.=' Tak mau la nak kecil2 hati ni. Kan? :)

So that's it. But pagi tadi,he tell me yang present yg aku bagi semalam,tertinggal kat kereta kawan dia. =.=' Great oh? Dah la his friend out station for 3 days,that means,Isnin nanti baru balik. Naaa~ MElancong dulu present tu sblm sampai ke tuan punya hadiah. Huhu. He said sorry many times for that. And me,mcm biasalah,always forgive him maa.. Not a big deal actually. As long as the present is in a good condition,then there's no problem la. HOPE SO~ ;)

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Tuesday, November 1, 2011

Back To December :')

WARNING!! Get ready to waste for almost 10-15 minutes your time to read this. Proceed if you wish to continue,do read this or just close tab to get a life. Thank you for your cooperation. :D

I'm currently listening to Back To December by Taylor Swift. The song brought me back to my memory. Ha ha ha. K. I'm not really laughing. :( Why? Okay.. As we know,November has arrived. Means that December is just around the corner. Every year,i wait for December to come patiently. Just like right now. *sigh

December brought a lots unforgettable memories to me before. Every time am listening to this song,it will reminded me to someone that ever be at the first place in my heart. I do missed him all this while and still missing him. He's my ex,my 'diamond' that i took for granted just for someone else. Fine,it's my fault anyway. I let him go just like that. He did nothing wrong. The problem is me. No one else. I don't blame other but myself.

I knew this men a long time ago. It's on 11th December 2008. :') I still remembered clearly our first met. Will not forget that! I was in Kuching at that time and that night i followed my cousin to their church to attend the Christmas Dinner Party 2008. We make jokes,laughing and playing games in the party. I had so much fun that night. I noticed that he always looking at me and always wanna be near to me,but i just ignored him and doesn't have any feeling for him. LOL. =.=' Of course lah kan.. We just met bah. And at that time,i already have a boyfriend but we're not in a good condition thou. Dasar playboy! =.=' I broken-hearted that time but still giving him another chance,with hope that he will change but seems like he will never change. Even until now. Erm.. Maybe? I'm not sure. Whatever lah. Not my business also. :)

Back to the story,that night he asked for my number,i reluctantly give it to him but he give me a very good punya reason to have my number. Then i just give it lor with hope can help him that night. Biarlah aku ja yang tau. But,fikir2.. Kinda bodoh juga that alasan yang he bagi. Haha. :D On my way go back home (cousin's house),he called me like so many times yet i rejects/let the phone ringing silently in the car. I just can't answer it because there's other people in the same car with me and my phone was about to mati also bah. Haha.

At the same night,he texted me and i just can reply him with several messages 'cause i'm run of credit. Plus,he's using Digi and i use Celcom (until now). So,you know lah kan what's the problem. Mahal gila bah mau msg from Celcom to Digi. =.=' Then,the next day,he texted me using Celcom number and he told me that's his new number. He bought it just because he want to text me. Aww~ How sweet is him,kan? :'D We texted 24 hours but me,still have no feeling on him even he sudah bagitau his feeling towards me malam sebelumnya. Why me degil tak terima dia? Because that time tgk rupa juga bah. Haha. Bodoh kan aku?? >.<' Huhu. Plus,that time hati sudah keras bah sebab rasa sakit hati dipermainkan boyfriend at that time. Memang benci lelaki la time tu. :D More than 2 weeks he try to get into me but i still tak terima dia. Lastly,he told me that he give up already. Then me pun tetiba rasa kehilangan. And fikir2,he memang betul2 loves me bah. Terus teringat satu pepatah,"LOVE SOMEONE WHO LOVES YOU,RATHER THAN LOVING SOMEONE THAT YOU LOVE,'CAUSE SOMEONE THAT LOVES YOU WILL NEVER LEAVE YOU." Believe me,it's true! :') Buktinya? Sudah pun berlaku kat aku. :'( Lepas aku tau dia dah give up tu,aku terus kata aku terima dia. Haha! Aku jadi takut utk lepaskan dia sebab aku nampak kejujuran dia dan nampak yang dia btl2 cintakan aku. Huhu.

So,we officially in love on 29th December 2008. :) He know that mula2 aku takda feeling kat dia and aku berusaha utk mencintai dia sebagai mana dia mencintai aku. Aku ambil masa yang singkat juga la untuk cinta dia sebab dia pandai sgt ambil hati aku. Aww~ :'p I realzied that he love me so much. He never leave me even banyak kali gaduh,and we gaduh pun because of my stupidity yang tak disengajakan. Mostly la,mmg tak sengaja pun. Huhu. He know me well,understand me so much and dia lah yang dah meruntuhkan ego aku yang dulunya tinggi dari Gunung Everest tu. Huhu. But with him,i learnt to ketepikan ego,bertoleransi sikit and fikirkan juga perasaan org lain. I learnt everything from him. Dia byk bagi aku kata2 semangat dan dorongan dlm study. Dia bantu aku dlm bagi pendapat and even tlg aku fikirkan pendahuluan utk buat esei BM aku and bagi isi2 penting utk buat esei. Haha! Kami punya percintaan jarak jauh oo.. Dia di Kuching,aku di Miri,even masing2 busy dgn pelajaran masing2,tapi the love that we have is never fading away. Bayangkanlah dia yang jauh beribu batu dari aku pun siap blh tlg aku siapkan esei. Dgn bangganya aku hantar esei pertama BM aku awal thn 2009 tu kat cikgu aku. Rasa bangga jugak bila cikgu puji esei aku mantap. Walaoweh! Hahaha. :3 Sedangkan esei tu 100% atas usaha dia,bukan aku pun. Aku just tulis ja.. Hahaha. :D

Pendekkan cerita,kami berjaya melalui tahun pertama hubungan kami. Haha. Rindu tu mmg la ada bila dah berjauhan kan? So both of us can't wait for December to come again 'cause i will go balik kpg for Christmas. Happy la dpt balik and jumpa dia kan? We celebrate Christmas sama2 and my big family pun already kenal him. My grandparents,my nenek saudara,my aunties and uncles,my cousins,and even my mother plus my brother. Hehe. See? Dah berapa jauh tahap hubungan kami. But a few months later,he pergi New Zealand on 12th May 2010 for 2 years. Not further study nor working,tapi dia menjalankan tugas sebagai seorang missionaries. Gereja dia mmg menuntut youth dr church tu utk buat misson. So yeah. Kami berjauhan. Berminggu2 jugak lah aku jatuh sakit lepas dia pergi. Huhu. Lebih kurang 3 minggu la. Agak payah aku nak sembuh sebab demam,flu,batuk2 serang aku sekaligus. Huhu. Setahu aku,tu la tempoh aku sakit yang paling lama. =.='

We can't texting nor calling,dpt email ja. So,susah la bagi aku,sebab aku tak dpt nak dgr suara dia apa lagi tanya khabar dia setiap hari. Huhu. Just perlu tunggu email dr dia ja. Satu email setiap minggu. :') Sebenarnya dia pun tak blh email aku,menurut peraturan yang telah ditetapkan,mereka hanya blg email family dan org yg terdekat dgn family ja. Aku ni sapa la? Bkn family dia pun kan? Last2,dia berutus surat kat aku,and aku reply guna email lah. Haha. Senang kerja aku. :p

So aku dpt bertahan berjauhan selama setahun dari dia,aku tak dapat teruskan untuk tunggu dia setahun lagi. Sepanjang berjauhan,mcm2 ujian dtg pada aku. Aku terpaksa belajar utk meneruskan perjuangkan utk SPM aku dgn sendiri tanpa ada dia yg selalu bagi aku semangat. Hanya satu yg buat aku bersungguh utk capai result yg baik utk SPM yg akan dihadapi,iaitu kata2 dia yg nak tgk aku cemerlang dlm SPM and dia nak aku beat result SPM dia. Haha. Dgn kata2 tu la aku dpt semangat utk bljr. Setiap kali aku rasa malas utk bljr or takda semangat ka apa,mesti aku akan teringat kata2 dia tu yg dah utuh dlm otak aku. Nangis2 jugak la study bila teringatkan dia. Mana tak nya,dulu kan,bila aku rasa takda semangat or ngantok2 and tak dpt nak study,mesti dia akan immediately call aku because he know whenever i hear to his voice,aku akan jadi semangat utk study and sgla rsa ngantok aku hilang. Haha. Mcm tu la aku. Aku mmg dah bergantung sgt kat dia tu. :3 We mmg ada putus beberapa kali according to my foolness tp disebabkan both of us mmg saling memerlukan,putus pun utk tempoh yg pendek ja. Then last2,beberapa bln before dia pergi tu,we gaduh and break,and dia ambil kesempatan tu untuk buatkan aku biasa dgn ketiadaan dia. But it's failed okay? Tak berkesan pun kat aku. So do him actually. :'D Luckily dia nak text and call me like usual.

Okay,that's just a parts of our memories. Dah byk yg kami lalui bersama,susah pyh,sgla sakit hati and happy moment yg kami lalui,buat kami mkin syg satu sama lain. But what happened then? Aku tak dpt bertahan utk satu tahun lagi,utk tunggu dia kembali ke Malaysia. :'( It's my fault. Even time aku terima my boyfie now,80% of my love is still for him. Boyfie tahu pasal dia,pasal hubungan kami 'cause aku dah cerita kat dia dari A-Z. Then boyfie said,bkn kehendak kami masing2 utk berpisah,tp yg sbenarnya masa dan jarak yg memisahkan kami. Then boyfie also said yg dia mmg respect lah dgn cinta kami 2 sebab aku dah cerita kat dia dr mcm mana kami kenal and kenapa aku putuskan dia. Sampai boyfie sendiri terharu bila dgr kisah aku ngan dia tu. =.=' Haha.

And now,mesti hairankan,kenapa aku tiba2 buat entri pasal my precious 'diamond' ni. Sebab aku rindu,bila dah hampir bulan December aku mmg emo habis lah. Apalagi bila setiap kali aku balik kampung. Selalunya tujuan aku balik kampung memang nak jumpa dia selain sambut Christmas ngan family. :D Tapi lepas ni keadaan jadi berbeza la,no more him. :) Tak tau bila dapat jumpa dia lagi kan? Huhu.

So,i think lagu Back To December tadi mmg relate sgt la ngan aku. Huhu. The song is about the girl breaking up with her boy and really regretting it because the guy was really nice and he treated her amazing. But she didn't do the same and he tried so hard to do everything for her but she ended it,because she got scared. And even though she loved him,her fears won. She is saying sorry and wishing she could change her mind. So do i actually. Huhu. I do regretted it for let him go. And i wish i can turn back time,so that i can fix all the mistakes and would ever do the thing that shouldn't be. :( If not,mesti i would never been sakit hati all this while bah. Err.. I didn't mean that what i have now is not what i really want,i do love my boyfie now,'cause dah lalui mcm2 kesusahan utk brsama dia,just like what i've been through with yang lepas. So tak mau lah sia2kan lagi segala usaha tu kan? So,nak menyesal skrg pun tak guna juga bah,kan? Teruskan ja la.. Jgn pndg belakang lagi. Ambil semua tu utk dijadikan pengajaran. :)

P/s:Mula2 couple dgn boyfie,dia pernah tanya,time aku ucap kata cinta kat dia,setiap kata rindu aku and setiap kali aku peluk dia,adakah aku fikirkan ex aku yg bersama aku? Jujur aku katakan,mula2 ada la sesekali aku terfikirkan dia,tapi skrg tidak lagi la. Past is past. Let the past be a sweet memory to remember. :')

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