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Thursday, June 30, 2011

Be mine :)

"Be mine".. Itula yg aku ucapkan pd dia lebih kurang 2 bln yg lepas. Waktu tu dia ada di depan mata aku. :) The memory a so sweet to remember. Yah. Aku kata begitu bkn brmaksud aku yg trhegeh2 bawa dia couple. Tapi waktu tu adalah wktu utk aku mmberi dia jwpn. Whether aku accept dia or aku nak dia tggu lebih lama lagi. :) Tapi mlm tu,aku terima dia dgn hnya mengucapkan 2 prkataan iaitu "be mine". Well,bila aku kata mcm tu,dia mmg trkejut dan mcm tak prcaya yg aku trima dia. :D Haha. Masih tringat lagi mcm mana aku kena yakinkan dia apa yg dia dgr tu btl and aku kena ulang beberapa kali ayat tu yg aku dah terima dia. Haha. Tapi tu cita 2 bln lepas.


Malam 2 hri lepas,dia text aku. And kata nak return. Mak!!! Aku happy! Sumpah aku happy. Selepas 10 hri brpisah,dia kembali jugak pada aku. :') Uwaa.. Mcm tak pcaya je kitorg couple balik. Hehe. Dia ada buka cerita mula2 kitorg couple tu. Dia kata,"simple words said by you..-be mine-. Time tu mmg rsa tak prcaya sampaikan you have to repeat it many times." Hahaha.. Mmg! Aku malas nak cakap pjg2 time tu,so i find the simplest sentence to say to him as the answer. So,yah..it's been 2 days. He said,"forget the past,no more 'her' and blablabla.." Nahh~ I said,"alaa...if you mmg still ada contact her pun,kalau korg ada ungkit2 hal dulu pun,mesti la still ada 'her' and at that time,i won't stop to say any about 'her' in front of you." Ada faham ka readers semua? If dia tak kantoi lg kat aku dgn apa2 yg brkaitan dgn 'her',of course la aku takkan sebut2 sal dia kat him lg. As simple as that bah. Kan? Ikut situasi la,kalau ada yg brkaitan,aku sebut la,kalau tak,buat apa aku nak ingat sal hal dulu2,apalagi nak ingat dia. :) Sebab bg aku,buat apa nak fikir ttg org kalau org tak fikir ttg aku. Adil la kan? Aku takde kaitan dgn hidup that girl,so do her. So,better aku fikir soal hidup aku. Perghhh! Lai ci kang! Haha. (Ignore kalau tak faham. :p)

Okay. I'm done. Malas nak type pjg2. Go go go go..



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Tuesday, June 28, 2011

Monday Blues!

2.49am
*sigh. Org lain dah sedap2 dok brdengkur kroih kroih atas tilam empuk masing2,tapi aku pulak tgh duduk ngadap laptop ni and blogging. =.=' Bukan apa,dah terlebih cukup tido. Balik sklh je ptg td,aku terus tido. Mlm plak,kol 9 dah trtido balik. Tp asyik trjaga. Haizz! Asal salu cam tu eyh?

K. Nak dimulakan cerita,sdg aku syok2 berada di alam mimpi,tiba2 phone aku brdering. Cehh! Skema tol cara aku cerita. Kan? Aku kesah apa. Aku punya cerita,ko baca je lah kalau ko nak teruskan. K. Phone aku brbunyi,dgn trpaksanya aku bgn dr katil utk ambil phone aku yg kat atas meja study aku. Mata aku yg separuh tutup jadi besar bukaannya bila tgk nama ex gf kpd ex bf aku tertera kat phone aku. B4 aku jwb,sempat gak aku trtanya,asal dia ni call? Apa mimpi? Aku biarkan phone tu brdering jap utk beberapa saat agi. Then baru la aku angkat.

Dgn nada yg relax aku katakan hello..... then bye2. Ok. Dah. Habis cita. Hahahahahaha!! No no no..Joking only. Hmm.. She asked me whether i know who she is. Then i say yes. =.= As usual,bukan aku yg mulakan conversation. Ntah. Bkn aku yg call,mana aku tau apa yg dia nak cakapkan. So aku bagi dia ruang utk brcakap. Okey yg pastinya mmg aku dah agak la mesti berkaitan dgn ex aku,ex kami dua,ex whosoever la. Ex aku,ex dia gak. Hahaha. =.='

Dia minta aku utk kembali kpd ex aku,Stanley. Try to get him again. Weyhh.. Itu bkn bnda senang utk aku buat okay. =.= Actualy aku sendiri tak boleh buat apa2. Fine. Td aku dah bgtau dia. It's not easy as that utk aku return ngan my ex. Of course,mmg aku nak return,tp segala keputusan trletak pd tgn Stanley,bkn aku. Aku dah bagi ex aku peluang kedua,ya,aku tunggu dia. Tapi dia sendiri yg kata buat masa skrg ni kitorg hnya brkawan. Sebab dia perlukan masa utk rebuild everything. Ok. Rasanya aku dah 2 3 kali gak sebut bnda yg sama ni. Don't why she asked me to do that. Tapi aku rasa dia sendiri tau yg Stanley sendiri yg tak grab that opportunity. Well,dia kan rapat ngan our ex tu and bak kata dia sendiri,dia faham and masak dgn perangai Stanley. Itu mmg diakui. Jadi,aku rasa tak sesuai dia minta tu semua kat aku. Mmg la dia tak paksa. Aku tau. Ahh! Sapa lah aku utk buat semua tu? Dia call aku pun time dia kat airport. Right! She's leaving to the peninsular. Na'ah.. Study matter. Finally dpt gak dia nak chow dr Miri ni. Yah.. Aku tau ni mesti aku dan ex aku jd antara sebab besar knpa dia sggup pergi jauh dr sini. Setau aku la dia mmg tak sggup nak jauh dr family apalagi jauh dr my ex tu. Entah. I can see that she mmg CINTA MATI kat my ex.

Back to the story,she minta maaf for all that she and he have done to me. But it seems like it's useless already bah. Dgn hanya kata maaf,semua yg dah terjadi takkan dpt kau ubah lagi. Kau pernah dgr tak pepatah Melayu yg sgt popular dimana budak2 umur 4 5 thn pun dah pandai guna iaitu "BERTEPUK SEBELAH TANGAN TAKKAN BERBUNYIA". Kenalkan pepatah ni? Look familiar to you guys? Yeah? Good! Kenapa aku kaitkan pepatah ni dgn situasi kami bertiga? Sebabnya ialah kalau b4 ni that girl tak layan sgt my ex yg time tu adalah my bf,semua ni takkan berlaku. Kami takkan berpisah,bergaduh,aku takkan sakit hati kat mereka berdua and the girl takkan selalu jadi penyebab aku bergaduh dgn ex aku. Apa yg aku mksudkan dgn LAYAN td ialah pergi jumpa my bf,text him or layan text dr him. Kan? Texting yg biasa2 je aku tak kisah,itupun kalau bukan dibelakang2 aku. Amboi.. B4 ni mmg senyap2 aarr diorg msg. Even aku sendiri ada texting ngan ex aku,tp aku texting dpn2 bf aku tu and aku bgtau sapa dgn aku msg. Dia ada buat gitu? NON ADO! That girl also,aku prnah trbaca msg yg dia bg kat my bf,but the msg is not in Malay nor English,but in Melanau's language. Well,aku mmg tak fhm bhsa Melanau,tp aku baca text tu brkali2,last2 aku fhm gak,dpt tau mksud certain words. My God! Damn! Aku terus bad mood,lama aku diam sbb aku menahan amarah. Bf aku yg kat sblh aku time tu diam je,tak tau nak buat apa. Last2 aku nangis. =.=' Haih.. perempuan,bila dah marah,nangis je kojhenye. +_+ Hmm. Lumrah alam.

Okay2..:et's proceed. Hmm. Even pun my bf tu yg mmg ingin sgt nak jumpa dia,tapi that girl harus dah lama tau apa yg dia mesti buat utk elakkan apa2 yg buruk drpd brlaku. If dia mmg sedar posisi kami,dia sendiri tahu yg dia mesti elak utk buat apa yg dia dah buat selama ni. Berkomplot dgn my bf belakang2 aku,baik sgt ler tu plan korg. Huhu. Org kata,"SEPANDAI-PANDAI TUPAI MELOMPAT,AKHIRNYA JATUH KE TANAH JUA". Menipu atau menyorok apa yg korg buat.last2 kantoi jugak kat aku. Mmg itu yg sepatutnya trjadi. Tuhan tak biarkan aku ditipu lama2. Sekali kantoi,korg masih berani buat lagi. Dua kali,tiga kali,empat kali... Sampai la aku dah MUAK GILER.. FINE!! Akhirnya aku pun putus ngan dia. Semua terkejut asal aku putus ngan diaa,sdgkan kami baru je couple dan mereka tgk kami bahagia. Yaa.. Mmg pun kamu baru agi,kalau diikutkan,sepatutnya skrg kami dah 2 bln. =.=' (*Aku mghitung hari ke ni? Hadoi....) Hmm.. Then,finally,dua2 sedar yg diorg dah buat salah kat aku. Hmm.. Aku terima maaf itu tapi itu mmbuatkan aku berfikir and menyesal kenapa diorg tak fikir mcm tu dr dulu lagi. Kenapa diorg tak fikir dulu apa kesan pd masa akan dtg kalau mereka buat sesuatu tindakan. Seperti bidalan atau pepatah yg mengatakan,"MENCEGAH LEBIH BAIK DARI MERAWAT". Sebab itu org kata,"BERFIKIR DAHULU SEBELUM BERTINDAK". Yeah! Hari ni kita belajar beberapa peribahasa/bidalan/simpulan bahasa/perumpamaan or whatsoever la. My ex pun finally realized that selama ni dia dah berlaku unfair kat aku. Nahh~ Baru sedar ye syg? Takpa. Semua dah berlaku. Hmm~ Sejarah takkan dpt diubah. Huih? Jd sejarah dah? Haha.

Btw,aku hargai usaha yg that girl buat. Sggup call aku semata2 utk cakap sal tu,sggup bazirkan kredit dia utk call aku,sggup buang tenaga dan air liur dia utk brcakap dgn aku. Uih.. Byk tu! Apa yg ko buat,aku tak dpt balas,Tuhan je akan balas apa yg kau buat. Kalau kau ikhlas,baik la balasan kau. Tapi kalau ko separuh ikhlas,tak yah je la. Buang masa kau je. Anyway,apa yg aku luahkan kat sini,bukan utk mengeji org menyalahkan mereka berdua,tapi aku sekadar ingin menyatakan rasa hati. Aku bkn berdendam,aku cuma mengenang je. Sebab ada sedikit kekesalan di hati aku atas apa yg korg dah lakukan kpd aku. Ini ayat yg sesuai dlm situasi tersebut,"SESAL DAHULU PENDAPATAN,SESAL KEMUDIAN TIDAK BERGUNA". Kenapa? Sebab hati aku dah terluka berkali2 dgn segala apa yg mereka lakukan terhadap aku. Malah aku dah lali mghadapi kebohongan dr mereka berdua sebelum ni. Tapi ya,harus diakui,hati aku masih sygkan ex aku. Mgkin ramai yg akan kata aku bodoh sebab msih menyayangi insan yg dah mentah2 tipu aku. Tapi ko kesah apa? Aku punya hati,suka hati aku la. Hati aku,bukan hatimu! Nah~ Sorry,entry kali ni agak kasar sikit. Sebab hati aku ni sekejap keras sekejap lembut. Haha. Lu pikirla sendiri! Bye!



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Monday, June 27, 2011

Awesome!! :D

11.45pm ( 26 Jun 2011)

Yahh..I just came home. I know,aku kluar mlm lagi. Haha. What can i do lorh? I was bored at home. So i terus plan utk kluar la. My plan is just wanna lepak at my sis,Racheal's house. Around 8.30pm like that i'm on my way to her house,but before that kena cari her house dulu,sebab her family baru move in to their new house. Still in area Taman Jelita. But jauh sikit dr my house. So i drive around 20 minutes just to find her house,pusing sana pusing sini,finally i found it! Haiyoh.. Lelah my tgn nak pusing stering ke kiri ke kanan. Cubala that car can fly for itself,can best? We just need to tekan button ke kiri ke kanan. Haha. Ok,enough with that. Merapu tak habis2!! After i took my sis,then dlm keta we asked each other "nak pergi mana??" =.=' Hey,no plan at all nak pergi mana,ikut kata hati jak nak kuar,tu pasal la. Then i asked her,you got friend yg tinggal area sini and dpt kuar with us? Then she said,ada,tapi lelaki la,their house is behind her house,so okay la.. I told her to call them. It's John and his brother,Charles. Tggu luar umah them,then we planned to go to Tmn Delight,so i okay jak la. Coz dekat sikit even i have to drive luar dari area my perumahan. Their plan wanna lepak at Pat's house. Hmm.. Kinda not sure leh who's that girl name. I don't know who she is,but sure she is their friend. :) But that person not there and if i'm not mistaken la,she go somewhere,at G.O.L i think. Biasaa.. pusat melepak kutu malam sana. Haha. Then we go to Tanjong la. Lepak there kejap. We just arrived there and we bumped into Assan,birthday boy! ^^ He limpas us when he wanted to buy some drinks. Hard drink for sure. :) Life babeyh! :) After they come back from buy drinks,they come to see us. Assan,Fizan and one boy. Don't know what is his name. ^^ Hehe. We wish Assan happy birthday. Then me and my sis pa lagi bila dah jumpa Fizan,the guy that both of us gelar as BUDAK MANJA AND CUTE. Haha. He escaped doh! Belum balik asrama lagi. He supposed to balik asrama this evening but BBQ punya hal,terus delay beliau nak balik. Beliau?? Haha. Mana2 la. :p We bullied him and he bullied us back dgn mengatakan yg my sis and me pendek. =.= Zzz.. Mentang2 dia tinggi. Kan? Then they continued their BBQ,berpisah la kami di sana. Haha.

Then my friends follow me went to Stanley's house. I met him at luar his house. We talked little but too many things that we want to say,but just keep it la inside your heart. :) Before i went back,we hugged,aww~ :( I really miss that. :( He kiss my cheeck and my forehead. Then i was so touched and wanna cry at the same time because i realized that he's not mine anymore. :'( Then i entered the car and he was going back to the flat. Then my cutey dutey sis Racheal asked,"Tadi apahal? Korang 2 dah return?" I said no. And she asked,"habis tu? Tadi tu apa?" I just say,"Just a hug.. Biasala.. Rindu bah sis". She just,"owh..okay :) " Nahh~ Then we went to the 7 Eleven just to buy Slurpee. =.=' Damn! Never thought that i will drive to the town,that's so far. Plus i still have no permission at all to drive that far. Haha. But who will knows? As long as my family don't know about it,so i won't kena marah la. :p Hey you guys,keep it as a secret okay? Don't backstab me. Haha. Proceed.. Then we went back home,i sent them safely to their house then i sent me myself to my house. Hahaha. :D

Now,i was sitting in front of my lappy and blogging plus facebooking. The funniest thing is,after all of us sampai rumah,semua post kat facebook about having Slurpee! Hahahaha! So obsess about Slurpee huh? Terutama my sis tu. I can see that she like it very much cuz its BRAIN-FREEEEZZZEEEing! your mind! But i didn't have the chance to play that ice on my tounge! :( *sigh. That is because i was driving at that time. Once i get back home,the ice dah mula cair. So i just drink the water je la. Neyh~ Poor me huh? :D Orite. End of my story for this. :)



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Sunday, June 26, 2011

H I M (N E W S P I R I T)



Hello readers! Hello peeps! ^^ I'm so happy today. Not only today but since last night. Ok. Last night,i feel like i'm getting a new spirit. Surely it's from someone that is very close to me. Ahaa.. Close meh? Urm.. Yes i think. *wink. Or maybe i should say someone that ever close to me before. Oh yes! That's it! Oh sorry. Finally i found the most suitable sentence to describe it. =..='

Yes,it's all started last night. Don't know what happened last night. I texted him just to say that i miss him. Yeah! It's me who started it 1st. Then he replied me in just a few mins. Urm.. No need to wait long for him to reply me.. :) Blablablabla.. Then i fall asleep as he's hang out with his friends.

I woke up this morning and received one message from him with a word 'syg'. Then my eyes just like zuuuuppppp!! Widely open when i saw that word! But i just say,'ya??'. He miss to call me that way,peeps! And when he said that he want to continue sleeping,because he willing to stay awake for about a hour just to wait for me to reply his text this morning. I said okay,but after 20 minutes,he texted me again.

He : Hmm.. Damn! Can't sleep. I miss you so much.
Me : Just close your eyes. Don't think anything. Sure you can sleep.
He : I can't. It's you in my mind now.
Me : =') What's wrong?
He : I just miss you so much.
Me : I miss you too dear. But what we can do? Just keep on missing each other only.
He : We need time to rebuild everything back to normal.
Me : Okay. As you wish. Like i tell you before,the decision is in your hand. :)
He :  Sayang.. (again he call me like that :') ) After we break up,i'm so worry about you.
Me : Why?
He : Thinking that you will really leave me.
Me : :( It's not me that wanna leave,but you are the one who let me go.
He : Yup. And i though you will really move on.
Me : And i really though that you don't love me anymore 'cause you seem like giving up on me and not trying to get me back.
He : I'm always love you. I don't know any about you since that. I'm so worry.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Since that,i felt i'm so live! Don't know why. Since yesterday,when a new fresh start in the morning,i set in my mind to not bother about it anymore since it's already been a week we broke up. Wanna starts my new chapter but he's come back giving new spirit in me. I'm not his special girlfriend,but i'm still his girlfriend.Do you get it? He never throw me away as his friend yet i'm still in his heart. That is why i said i'm still his girlfriend. In Malay,teman wanita or kawan perempuan. Get it already? ^^ Ok. Good dog! :p Haha. No offence! Right,back to the story.. I just wanna say that whatever gonna happen in the present,i will get up and stay strong in leading my life. Adios~ Life must go on. With or without love. :')

The weirdest thing happened
the other morning...
I woke up with
tears in my eyes..
and one rolling
down my cheek..and I knew
I must have been
dreaming of you again.




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1 minggu

Pa benda yg 1 minggu tu? Hmm.. Bagi sapa2 yg tau or ikuti prkembangan cerita hidup aku,mesti tau apa yg trjadi seminggu yg lepas. Ya,ni ttg aku putus cinta. Dah seminggu dah. :') Tadi ada texting ngan dia jap. B4 midnite menjelang. :') He says 'Swear to God,i want you back. But..hmm.. I don't know. I'm afraid that i will hurt you again.' Then i tell him,'Dear,semua org buat silap. Tak kira dlm hal apa sekalipun. You also said that that's the price that we have to pay for love,remember? You teach me that. :') '

I don't why.. After i say like that,i felt ease in my heart. Knowing that he still want me back same as i do,i just can smile. Well,it's all in his hand. He's the only one who can change all this. Missing each other like this way won't help at all unless if we are back together. Betul la kan? Kalau dah jadi couple balik,tak perlu la masing2 trseksa menanggung rindu mcm ni lagi. Tapi tu la.. Hmm.. Takpe,mana2 keputusan dia lah. As long as he know and remember what i told him all this while. :') Let's keep this life beautiful no matter what you had to going through after this. Just try and be strong. :')


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Friday, June 24, 2011

Sekolah Baruku

:') hari ni masuk sklh baru. Huhu. Sendiri pergi urus diri sendiri..T.T Kaka just anta sampai dpn gate sklh je. Dgn nervous,aku masuk gak gate tu,time tu mmg ramai students tgh brpusu2 masuk kwsn sklh. Aku beranikan diri tanya ckgu kat mana pejabat am. Lepas ckgu tu bagi tau arah,aku pun pergi la ke arah ditunjukkan. Ni lagi satu hal,kalau nak naik tangga ke pejabat am tu,kena lalu tgh2 tapak roll call. Makk aii.. Nak tak nak,aku trpaksa jln kat tgh2 tapak roll call tu dgn beratus2 mata memandang ke arah aku. T.T Malu akuu.. Huhu. Dah naik tangga v.i.p tu,mata aku terus melilau mancari pejabat am. Nasib baik la word Pejabat Am tu besar2 trpampang kat atas pintu masuk pejabat am. Terus aku masuk sana,lapor diri. Tapi x sempat urus segalanya,Mr.Chong iaitu Penolong Kanan Ting. 6,suruh aku ikut roll call,nanti dia akan cari. So,aku tnya la pengawas lelaki 2 org yg ada di luar pejabat am tu. Slh sorg tunjukkan aku barisan lower 6. Huhu. Then,time roll call tu la kitorg buat latihan polisi selamat balik sklh. Huhu. Harus juga kah di sini? Dahla brjalan kluar gate smpai luar sklh. Bgus balik terus. Tapi x leh,beg tinggal kat tapak roll call and ada pengawas jaga sepanjang jalan. Haha.


Then,aku jumpa kwn lama aku kat situ. Ezureen. Kwn sekelas time aku sklh rendah dulu. Aww~ Kitorg sama kelas. L6A2. Kenapa L6A2? Kenapa tak L6A1? Sebab nya,aku ambil subjek Ekonomi. Kelas L6A2 ambil Ekonomi,L6A1 ambil Geografi. Subjek PA,PP and Sejarah kekal. Cuma BM aku kena drop la. Takda org nak ajar kau BM sana. =.= K. So,pilih la Eko. Ada 17 students in my class,including me la. Laki x byk,4 org je kot? X pasti sgt. Sbb lom masuk class lg. Kitorg terus masuk ke library utk acara penutupan orientasi Form 6. Haiz.. Lambat! Belajar pun blm start lg. Next week start. So,thats mean semua yg aku dah belajar dlm subjek Sej,PA ngan PP tu kena ulang lagi la. Aiyerrr~

K.. Now nak komen ttg sklh baru aku. Urmm.. bukan nak mengutuk,tapi ini kenyataan. Harap ada yg baca ni,tak kecil hati la ye? Ini pndangan peribadi aku. Aku tak leh la nak tipu diri aku sendiri dgn mengatakan sklh ni ok. Huhu. Aku tgh dr segi luaran,bangunan tu ok la. Byk mural dilukis kat sana sini di dindang sklh. Warna warni mcm taman. Haha. Tapi bila ko masuk dlm kelas pulak,makkk aaiiii..... Aku terus tergamam,tak terkata. OMG! The class is so retarded! So lame! Damnnn... Mcm bilik darjah yg dah lama terbiar je. Tak buat renovation ke cikgu??? Papan kenyataan berlubang sana sini. Kalau kecil lubangnya takpe la gak,tapi ni besar2 punya. Besar dr muka kau tu haa... =.= Mmg nampak selekeh la kelas aku. Huhu. Agaknya mcm mana nak cover segala lubang2 tu? Haha. Kerusi meja plak style lain. Hurm... No komen sal tu. Tapi kelas aku masih nampak kosong sebab sesi PnP belum mula agi. Ttg peraturan sklh pulak,strict gilerrr... Sling bag takleh pakai. Form 6 takde keistimewaan betul kat sini. Pakaian sklh sama mcm budak2 menengah lain. Pakai kain biru,kasut putih. Haisshh.. Pas ni kena beli kasut putih la aku. Beg pun kena beli gak. Hahaha.. Minggu utk buang duit lagi la nampaknya. Strict mana pun sklh Luak,strict lagi sklh ni. Huhu. Rindu seyhh ngan kwn2 aku kat Luak sana. T.T Sunyi aku tanpa diorg,tapi msg2 ngan Nurul,dia kata boring diorg takde aku,sunyi je kelas. Haha. :') Terharunya. Al-maklum la,aku ni org pling suka buat bising dlm kelas. Huhu. Kat sini tak dpt agi kot mcm tu. Huhu. Takpe la. Sabar. Cuma utk 1 thn 5 bln je. Sabar2. Ok. The end. Malas nak blogging pjg2 sbb mood trganggu agi. Huh! >.<' Lantak kau la.



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Thursday, June 23, 2011

The Moment

Hello.. :) After beberapa hari tak blogging,now aku kembali. Haha. Bunyi mcm lama sgt tak blogging,sdgkan baru 2 hari. :)

Kali ni nak cita pasal mlm hari Selasa ni td,yg aku pergi lepak kat tepi pantai Tanjong. Such a great moment at that time. Walaupun aku dtg situ dgn niat nak find some peace. Yeah. Plan aku mnjadi hari tu. Ramai yg dtg. Ada Shaf,my driver..Hehe. Alvin,Ezekiel,Margaret,Patrick,Awang dan 2 org kwn dia,dan sorg lagi laki. Aku tak tau nama dia. Kwn kpd mreka Alvin gak tu. Time dah siap nyalakan unggun api,duduk2 mkn keropok and minum2,aku,Ezekiel,Alvin ngan Margaret g ke jeti. Kat situ kitorg borak2 tgk pemandangan laut pd waktu malam dgn angin malam yg menyegarkan,plus kalau kau dgr bunyi ombak,mmg tenang jiwa kau. :')

Time kat jeti tu,Ezekiel cadangkan,apa kata kita teriak ke laut utk lepaskan segala tekanan di jiwa. Aww~ Mmg itu apa yg aku nak buat selama ni. Yahh.. kami brdua pun teriak sekuat hati. Pastu Alvin dan Margaret pun join sekaki. :') Biar sampai tekak aku sakit,aku masih jugak nak lepaskan segala yg aku pendam ke laut. :'( Sedih.

Pkl 11.16pm mcm tu,tak lama lepas insiden menjerit2 (haha),aku dpt msg dr Stan,dia kata "just wanna let u know that i miss u so badly :') " :'( I miss him too. But it just things went different after that day. Terasa seluruh duniaku direntap dgn kasar. Huhu.. Aku balik rumah dlm pkl 1.30am. Letih sgt and terus tido lepas on9 skejap mlm tu. Maklum la dr pgi smpai lewat mlm xda rehat. Antara gambar2 yg kami ambil mlm tu:

Unggun api yg kami buat. Susah gak nak hidupkn dia hari tu.

Kwn yg aku knal dr fb,akhirnya dpt jumpa gak,sebab dia study kat Kuching.
Ini kali kedua brjumpa. :)

Skema. Haha. Kat jeti ni. Sebelum menjerit2 insiden. :p

Newly love bird. Sweet! Senyap pulak tu couple. Ngegeh korg 2. Haha.  :D

With Ezekiel. :)
Nampak gelap disana. =.= Tidak cukup cahaya pd waktu mlm. 

My Jerit Team. Haha.
Okay,the end. :)



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Tuesday, June 21, 2011

Day 3 (Mangsa Keadaankah Aku?)

.::7.00pm::.
3 hari day berlalu,aku masih lagi mcm ni. Menyimpan rasa dgn kemas. Aku sedih,mmg aku sedih. Aku nak expresskan apa yang aku rasa,tapi air mata aku tak nak kuar. Setakat bergenang tu adalah. Tapi aku cepat2 tahan ia dari mengalir. Ok. Aku sik mok menangis,tapi aku sendiri rasa terseksa menahan perasaan. Bercampur baur. Sedih+marah+geram+rasa diperbodohkan+dikhianati+tak dihargai=mangsa keadaan. Sejak dari semalam aku asyik teringatkan dia. Aku blh lupakn dia sekejap dan fokus pada sesi pembelajaran dlm kelas,tapi kdg2 tetiba aku blh teringatkan dia. Terusla apa benda yang aku tulis jadi salah. =.= Tadi,waktu dlm bas,pergi dan balik dari Boulevard,sepanjang perjalanan tu fikiran aku melayang. Sumpah,nak nangis aku. Tapi aku tahan gak. Aku pandang tempat kali terakhir aku lihat dia,satu minggu yg lepas. Terus aku terfeeling lebih. Haizz.. =.= Entah. Aku rasa mcm aku lah mangsa keadaan. Aku fikirkan balik,kalau la hal tu tak brlaku,maksud aku kalau la dia tak buat hal hari tu,dah pasti kami msih brsama kan? Menyesalkah aku bertanyakan dia hal tu? Sedangkan aku punya hak utk brtanya. Dia yg mulakan. Mereka yg mulakan. Aku terasa seperti dipermainkan. Kalau lah dia tak kuar ngan ex dia hari tu,sudah pasti kami takkan putus kan? Sebab semuanya brmula lepas aku tanya dia soal tu,aku minta dia jujur padaku. Tapi lain yg terjadi. Yaa.. Aku lah mangsa keadaan. :'( Tapi apalah salah aku kat kat dia? Aku jujur sejujur2nya layak seorg kekasih. Dari mula smpai kami putus,aku tak pernah sembunyikan apa2 dr dia. Apa yg penting aku ceritakan pd dia,trmasuk hal yg tak penting juga. Ex2 aku sendiri msg aku,aku bgtau dia juga. Tapi dia?? Dia ngan ex dia contact2 mcm tu,haram sgt nak bgtau aku. :( Aku keluar dgn sapa,pergi mana,buat apa,smua aku bgtau. Tapi dia?? Dia sggup reka cerita,tipu aku semata2 nak jumpa ex dia.

Hey! Ko kata tak cinta dia,tapi apasal ko jumpa dia tanpa sebab munasabah hah?? Aku ada buat kau mcm tu?? Takde kan? Ko tak ingat janji kau kat aku. Ke kau buat2 lupa? :'( Seolah2 insiden tepi pantai tak pernah kau sematkan dlm otak kau. Ntah. Kat situ ko janji kat aku takkan sakiti aku lg. Aku msih syg kau. Masih tunggu kau,aku bg kau peluang utk kembali. Kau tahu tu. Tapi ntah.. Aku tak pernah rasa sakit hati mcm ni. Ni la 1st time aku couple jarak dekat. Before ni smua long distance relationship. Tapi nmpaknya pengalaman pertama aku couple dekat2,menyedihkan walaupun dlm masa aku bahagia dgn dia,aku dpt rasa yg aku ditipu.

Terasa diri tak dihargai.. :'( Akukah yg salah? Sekali lagi aku bertanya pada diri aku. Baiklah. Aku malas nak type lagi. Hampir pkl 8pm. Kejap agi kwn dtg ambil aku. Tapi aku blm mandi. =.= Nak pi pantai. Itu plan aku. Aku bawa seramai mana kwn2 yg mmg keluar mlm. Okey. Nampaknya ramai yg dpt kuar. Ni yg buat aku WOWWWW!!! =.= Baiknya korang nak ikut plan aku. Haha. Aku kata kat diorg aku nak bersantai and feeling2 di tepi pantai dgn ditemani unggun api. Mcm last time punya tuu~ ^^ Syok! Dingin malam dgn kehangatan unggun api temani kau feeling sana,ko akan rasa tenang. Itu yg aku cari,ketenangan. Bukan saja2 tau nak bawa mereka kuar. Diorg nak buat apa nanti trpulang kat diorg la. Janji aku dah ada kat tempat yg aku nak tenangkan diri. :')


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Sunday, June 19, 2011

Day 1

Hello readers.. Happy Sunday. =.=' I know its Sunday. That's mean tomorrow school huh? :) Semalam tido lewat,pkl 4.30am mcm tu. Even dah ditegur dia beberapa kali,but i can't help it. Sorry,my eyes just can't sleep. Hoho. Insomnia. You know that from the first time we know each other. :')

I woke up this morning,so early i think,around 9.30am. Can u just count how many hours i slept today? Almost 5 hours like that. :) I planned to wake up late,around 11 like that. But it just my own problem. Once i am awake,open my eyes widely,then i get no chance to get some sleep back. Funny huh? Ok. Not funny. I know,maybe you,you,you,you..any of you who reads this,no matter who you are,stalkers(sure ada stalkers here),my blog's friends,silent readers,any of you,face the same problem like me. Okay,i'm not here to talk about sleep. Duhh~ Why is it my topic menyimpang trlalu jauh? Talk about sleep already took 5-6 lines. =.=' What about my time taken to type that?? Hurm.. K.. Melalut lebih. Merepak (babbling) di pagi hari is good. Haha. :D Good for your mouth,exercise bah. (When is it i use my mouth to merepak in blog?? =.=') Okay.. Just imagine it,enough.

I woke up this morning. After went to the toilet,(specifically description on what i did after woke up..haha) So lame! Perfectionist bah.. Well,do i care? :p
K.. Continue. After went back to my bed room,i charged my phone,coz' it totally shut down since this early morning. Due to my laziness to charge it up. Plus,i think since we're already break off,surely my phone will be silent all the time. Yeah.. as i open my phone,oppss...not open actually,but turn it on =.= , i received a msg from my sis,she asked me what happened. But i didn't reply it yet. Haha. I think later2 la.. She might busy this morning as this is SUNDAY morning. =.=' Huhu. Then,i try to sleep back. Then my phone rang again,received a msg. I wonder who is it that looking for me this early morning. Then i look at it up. Err.. K. It's from Stanley. He said,"morning sayang :)". Then i replied him and send my confused and shocked face,like this------>" O.o morning too." Then he say sorry,still try to get use of it. He forget that we're break up already. K. Actually me too. ;'( I woke up with the weirdest,strangest,and so on feeling this morning. Trying to forget everything,but it just i cant. Hey,i know that i'm having SHORT TERMS MEMORY,it doesn't mean i will easily forget things just like that. =/

K..we have a few minutes for a few msgs. I didn't layan his msg so much. Enough after i express what i feel,then i just replied him with "ok" and "i know",or just "k". He asked me do i still love him. Then i said definitely yes. He asked me why.Then i replied him,

"There's no reason why we love a person.It just your heart,your heart will tell you what you feel. Not based on what your mouth that speak it out. Coz' words is not really good in express what you feel.From the start,i gave you my heart,i will loyal to you,i promise to myself that the relationship will end not because i'm cheating. But seems like things went different."
 He replied me,
"So i'm sorry for making you falling in love with me. Sorry also coz' i love you too,but might just not enough. Sorry i didn't make thing clear. And sorry that i hurt your feeling."
 This time going to be a confession,don't know why am i so brave to say it out. I tell him,"i want you back. But,it's okay. I know your situation. " He said,"Me too. But i'm scared that i will hurt you again." Naaahh~ I know what is it. I tell him that he can avoid all this,but it just he is the one that can't and don't want to avoid it. =.='  Continue..he said "let's time decide it. I will sure get you back when i think i should." Then,it's the starting when i  started to not layan his msg so much. Hell yeah! I'm afraid the more longer i text him,the more longer i become speechless. Plus i have nothing to say after that. Yah..

It's time to let go. It's a brand new beginning. Hey! I lose my love but i still have my friends. Aww~ Thanks guys and girls. :') They keep give me a piece of encouragement. They spent time for me. Some 'talked' to me wall to wall. Some commented on my status. =.=' As usual people do on facebook. Haha. Some of them inbox me. The most thing that makes me want to shed my tears is,when i posted up this picture.

See? This is how i look like,after almost an hour of our breaking up. I still can smile. This is for you. But definitely you will never could see a sweet smile like this from me anymore. :') Thanks for saying that "i'm gonna miss your sweet smile.".
Ok.. There's a friend of mine commented on this picture and said,"i like your smile,but your eyes tell me that you're still sad. ehehe. :)". Then i was just like =.=' waddahell...how come is that? But definitely,what he said,makes me wanna cry. Hurm.. But i didn't. I managed to stop (what i mean is menahan,not hentikan) my tears from falling down. :') Yay! I'm success! :') But please don't make any judgement on my action. I didn't crying not because i'm not hurt at all. I did but it just that,wellllllll you know.. I'm a strong girl though. :') (i know i am). I said to myself,i will not crying for him anymore. I think it's enough i waste my 'eyes water' (haha) for him. Let's make the time i cried in front of him at the Tanjong last week is gonna be the last time i cry for him. :') I wanna live my life to the fullest. Without love,i still can live yaw~ Like what i did last time. Oh yeah! :') Btw,thanks to my besties,sissies,my good friend,which i call him bro,my cuzzie and the last is my ex boyfriend's friend. He was shocked that we are not couple anymore because the last time he met Stanley,he seems being okay. I told him what happened coz' he asked me to.

Opppss....that's not the last actually. I just received a msg from my friend,who once was my future-boyfriend-wanna-be. But since he's far from me, i took many years to accept him. How long he have waited for me? I am sure you will dumbfounded when you know about that. It's almost 3 years you know. =.=' I know that he loved me. But yeah... Still can't accept him,just being a good friend for him is enough. Lastly,i choose Stanley and dumbed him. =.= What can i do. I need my boyfie near to me. Okay,end the story,he texted me just now and said,
"Just cry out loud whenever you feel like to. Don't keep in inside,it will make you even worst. Hope you getting well soon. I'm always here as your friend :)"
 Once again,thank you friends for giving me encouragement. I am alright and come..come..let's listen to Travie McCoy's song named "We'll be alright". :') Duhh~ Hey you,thanks for reading this. I know it just waste your time but it's your own will that wanna read my entry from a to z. Don't blame me. Bluekkkk! :D Adiosaaa~


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Just for share :)

Lawak.

Bacalah..
Ini tiada kaitan dgn yg hidup mau pun yg mati.
Haha. -_-'

Dapat baca tak? Ehemm.. kalau tak dpt,silakan merajinkan diri utk mengklik gambar tersebut utk pmbesaran. Semoga brjaya! Kalau dpt,enjoy it then. Kalau tak dpt,jgn marah saya. Hehe. :D Peace!



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Wednesday, June 1, 2011

Selamat Hari Gawai :)

Hari ni 1 Jun 2011,hari para kaum Dayak menyambut Hari Gawai. Yeah! Aku pun sambut gak. ^^ Memandangkan sekali lagi aku tak blik kpg thn ni utk smbut gawai [ :'( sob sob sob ] so sperti biasa,aku ikut la kakak ipar dan abg kesygan balik ke kpg kakak ipar. Tak jauh la,dari Miri hnya mengambil masa kira2 45 minit mcm tu,kpg tu brdekatan dgn Taman Negara Lambir Miri. Kpg sis in law aku tu rumah panjang la. Biasalah,masyarakat Iban kan terkenal dgn rumah panjang? :) Itu salah satu identiti masyarakat Iban? Para arkitek dpt ilham buat rumah teres tu pun dari reka bentuk rmh pjg. (ye ye je aku ni..haha) Oh! Panjangnya mukadimah aku ni,siap blh melalut lagi ckp psal rumah teres.

Okey,semalam berangkat dari rumah almost nak pkl 1pm,agak rushing la gak aku semalam sbab aku lewat bgn. Hohaiii! Lena sgt tido,tak tau mimpi apa semlm,bila sis in law call kata dia dah on the way nak ambil aku,baru la aku bergegas pegi mndi,pack up pkaian pa smua. Then terus masuk kereta. Haha. Dlm keta diam je aku. Malas nak cakap byk. Smpai kat rmh pjg kakak kira2 1.30pm lebih mcm tu,angkut brg dr keta pa smua,trus dok kat dpur,tgk2 pe yg blh ditolong. Tp time tu x byk sgt nak ditolong,just potong2 mix vege je utk dimasak dikemudiannya.

Pastu sementara menunggu detik 12 mlm,kitorg relax2 mcm biasa. Sempat gak aku pi tido dulu bila jam dah nak kol 11pm. Penat kot? Haha. Tau2 je la mcm mana dinginnya udara di kpg. Tu la yg mmbuatkan mata aku dgn senang ati nak lelap. Tgh lena diulit mimpi,tiba2 plak dgr bunyi tembakan yg berterusan. Okey,aku trbangun. Dlm keadaan mamai (separuh sedar),aku capai hp and tgk pkl berapa.. Tepat 12 mlm,patut la.... Bunyi tembakan2 tu rupa2nya bunyi mercun la. Haishh! Oke,aku dgn malasnya bgn tukar pkaian jap then kuar ke ruai utk mkn.

Inilah makanan yg dihidangkan utk dijamah tepat pd pkl 12 mlm pd 1 Jun yg lepas.

Kat ruai tu smua family dr setiap bilik (rumah) makan brsama kluarga.Silakan tgk gambar kat bawah..

Inilah para penduduk rmh pjg itu. Hnya sebahagian saja ni.
Mereka tgh seronok mkn brsama family trsyg masing2. 

Lepas mkn,mrka blh truskan dgn aktiviti ngabang(mnziarahi setiap rmh ke rmh). Ye! Mrka ngabang tgh2 mlm! Huhu. Tak ngantok mreka ni,mmg dahsyat. Aku pulak lpas mkn tu,trus msuk ke dlm rmh,then sambong tido. Haha. Selamba je. Gawai yg boring bagi aku. Huhu. Aku tido lena smpai ke pagi okey?

Dlm pkl 7am aku dah bgn. Sarapan pagi cam biasa. Then duduk relax2 tak tau nak buat apa (tak terfikir pun nak mandi,sejok giler air kat rmh pjg awal2 pgi.huhu) Pastu,kakak ipar bilang..dia mau pegi kubur. Then dia tnya,aku mau ikut ka tidak. Aku kata la mau. Aku nak tgk la mcm mna la kubur mreka kat sini. Sekitar jam 9am lebih pegi kubur tu,siap pakai kasut kebun lagi (mereka suruh la..tak tau apahal). Aku pakai sluar 3/4 long yg paras lutut tu,dgn t-shirt putih. Aku tgk org2 kpg yg ikut pergi,semua pkai pkaian mcm nak pegi brkebun aje. Heran la pulak hati ni. Pastu kitorg jln la ke simpang jln,tiba2 bwa msuk kwsn semak pulak.. Alamak! Knpa masuk semak? Heran gile kwsn kubur diorg tu jauh dr rmh pjg. Ko nak kena msuk hutan lg,redah segala tanah yg licak. Seriously,aku trkejut babun. Tapi aku ikutkan aje la. Ada pulak rasa menyesal ikut td. Hehehe. Selepas lbih kurang 15minit meredah tanah licak dan semak samun,akhirnya sampai juga ke kwsn kubur.

Smpai2 je kat sana,sekumpulan org kpg trus la menebas semak yg menjalar kat atas kubur arwah nenek moyang/saudara2 mreka. Aku x buat apa2 pun,dok tgk aje. Terdetik pulak rasa menyesal sbab tak bawa handphone. Kalau tak blh gak snap2 beberapa gambar. Tapi memandangkan aku nak save batery,so aku tinggalkan kat rmh. Time kat graveyard tu,ada la sesuatu yg kurang enak didgr. Ada sorg pakcik ni,dia crita2 and kata moga2 si arwah bagi dia nombor ekor. Brkali2 la dia kata mcm tu. Then dlm hati aku kata,mcm ni ke adat mnziarahi saudara/shbat handai yg dah jdi arwah? yg lain plak blh pulak dok brcrita buat lawak pasal si mati. Mmg adat masyarakat Iban kot kalau mnziarahi kubur,msti bawa skali mknan & minuman utk si mati. Kat sana td,mreka hidang mkanan & mnuman mcm kita hidang para tetamu dtg ke rmh,dgn kita2 skali kna minum sama,dpn2 kubur tu. Aku trdiam je la dok perhatikan gelagat2 smua org yg ada kat situ. Tak leh bising2 kan? Itu dah adat mreka. Kita kena hormat la. :)

So kpd semua pmbaca setia blog saya ni,tak kira la silent reader ke,or terview blog ni ke,saya ucapkan Selamat Hari Gawai,Gayu Guru Gerai Nyamai terutamanya kepada yg menyambut Hari Gawai. Kpd yg tak menyambut,kalau ada rakan2 anda,jiran tetangga yg menyambut Hari Gawai,ziarah2 la ke rumah mereka. Kita kan 1 Malaysia? Hehe. :D

P/s:Gawai tahun ni tak berapa seronok. Sudahla tak pulang kpg,nak ngabang ke rmh kwn sendiri pun tak jadi,pastu kekasih hati tak tau pulak apa khabarnya. Dia balik kpg,kat sana takde coverage! >.<' Kalau dah Gawai ni,aku faham2 je la.. Mmg 'tak hidup' la dia tu. Huhu. Rindu tau. Berapa hari dah tak dgr suara dia. :'( Esok hrp2 dia ada call. *crossing fingers


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