Saturday, February 18, 2012

They Called It Valentine's Day,I Called It Self Awareness Single Day

Valentine's Day dah 4 hari pun berlalu,baru hari ni aku nak post psl Valentine. Eh bukan pak cik Valentine ko tu.. Psl Hari Valentine lah. Haha. Sedihkan bila tgk org keluar smbut Valentine dgn couple? (Bagi yg Christian je la.) God.. I thought la thn ni dpt la celebrate Valentine dgn my bf. Tup tup..break pulak last month. Haha. 'Bertuah' la sgt kan? =.=' Huhu..

On the Valentine's Day,aku keluar dgn org yg aku syg. Even dia bkn milik aku,tp aku msih syg dia. Who else that person could be? Of course my own ex. Lalalala~. I know la what you guys think about. Since my ex dah byk kali ajak tgk wyg and me kept saying tak dpt,than that day,berkesempatan utk keluar,so keluar la. We went to MM and tgk wyg. Movie Chronicle. Grr~ Can't say much about the movie. After sent him back to his place,then I drove back to my residential area. Met my friend first before I went home. Dah janji pun nak jumpa dia that day,cuma plan trpksa delayed.

My friend gave me Valentine's gifts. Once I got the presents,I asked for a permission to open the gifts. Firstly,I read the card,it do teared me up. I cried after read it. Terharu gila me,you know? Sedih plus happy pun ada. What is written on the card? Let me keep it as a scret la k? :) It keeps me wondering,but I just don't want to think much about it. Lastly,I opened a small rectangular box. There's a bracelet in it. Huhu. All I can do is crying and keep on silent. Then I hugged my friend sebagai tanda terima kasih and sorry la tadi. I was sad because I know dia habiskan masa utk buat and sediakan semua tu utk aku. Aku tau dia plan byk benda that day,tapi aku pulak just rosakkan the plan and going out with my ex. So,my friend ni tadi bad mood la. Huhu. After dgr dia nagging sana nagging sini sal hari dia hari tu,aku rasa bersalah la.. That's why air mata mengalir sebab terharu,happy,sedih and rsa brsalah semua brcampur baur.

Before balik,we went to 7 Eleven because nak top up. Mcm biasa,aku tggu dlm kereta and dia pergi beli top up. Other than that,dia belikan aku Chocolate Cadbury and Orange Minute Maid Puply. Damnn!! It's my favorite. Huhu. You know,I'm addicted to the MMP. Haha. :D Then the chocolate,I brought it to school the next day and share it with my friends. Haha. About the chocolate,you tunggu until next month pun,chocolate takkan hbis2 dimakan. Haha. Susah nak hbis kan chocolate sorg2,dah la yg besar pulak tu,so the best way is share la ngn kwn2,bkn rugi pun. Sharing is caring bah kan? :D Tapi Minute Maid Pulpy tu sorry la kalau nak share. Haha. Yg tu kedekut sikit la. Ngee~ Even dgn my own mum pun aku tak nak share. But she know la I love the MMP,that's why setiap kali dia beli air for me,dia akan beli MMP. Wee~ The best mom ever. :) Every mom knows what her children like and dislike kan?

The kotak gelang and card yg blm dibuka. :)

So,inilah rupa bracelet and card tu. Simple but nice. :)

P/s: Gmbr chocolate and MMP lupa ambil. Tp x kisah pun. Yg penting ada mention. Oh oh.. To my friend,thank you so much for the gifts ya? God bless you. :)

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Monday, February 13, 2012

Dreamed of you

This morning,I woke up with feelings of sorrow. I found myself just dreamed about him. I never thought that I would have such a dream,never thought that he will appear in my dream. Maybe I just missed him so much till he appeared in my dream. I don't know what to say. I could described it as my sad dream. Why sad? Hmm.. In that dream,i was bumped into him in a mall (if I'm not mistaken).

I saw him with in just few meters in front of me. He was in his purple long sleeve shirt. Just like a sweater one. The one that he used in his profile picture on FB itu bah.. :) He ever used that shirt for our 2nd time keluar sama if I'm not mistaken. That time we are still friend and not yet in a special relationship. Eh? Jauh cerita aku memesong. =/ Damnit. Haha. :D

In my dream,after I saw him from a distant,I tried to hide myself so that he won't see me around. But it's useless lah cause' he saw me before me sempat sembunyikan diri. Hmm! =.=' Rasa resah di alam mimpi terbawa2 sampai ke alam separuh sedar,so aku pun terus bgn dr tidur. Hmm.. :[

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Sunday, February 12, 2012

My Dear

My Dear..
Since I love you so much,I can't stop loving you anymore.
I love you too much that I can't even pretend not to love you anymore.
I can't do anything but not show you how much I love you.
I can't do anything but not ask you to love me.
If I want to leave you little by little..
If I have to depart from you..
The only thing I can do is run,
Even though it is hard for me.

P/s: I know,one day your love for me will decreases day by day and I can't stop you to not love me anymore. I know,I have no right to do so. :(

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Friday, February 10, 2012

Where is the love has gone?

I'm back again. To blog and type crap thing. Not to show that how sad am I right now but to express what i feel lately. Seriously,cinta dlm hati aku semakin hilang. Hati aku mula mengeras. Bkn bermaksud cinta aku kpd 'dia' dah takda,aku msih cinta,tp seolah2 hati aku dah tertutup utk org lain. Utk mencintai org lain pd waktu terdekat ni adalah mustahil. Tgk la mcm mana aku layan mereka yg dtg mendekat. Sudahlah kasar,takda belas kasihan lagi tu bila org keep on terasa hati dgn aku. Tp mereka still juga nak mendekat. Huhu. Aku mmg perlukan seseorg utk berada di sisi aku,tp cukuplah jika hanya sebagai kwn dan mereka tak brharap lebih2.

So where is the love has gone? Haha. Sudahlah,hati aku dah keras mcm dulu. Sekali lagi. Ya.. sekali lagi. utk kali yg kedua. =.=' Waktu kali pertama tu,aku terlalu ego utk menerima seseorg tu sehinggakan aku hampir kehilangan dia,tp luckily aku sedar awal2 yg he's too precious to be hurt. Hmm.. Then,skrg ni kali kedua pulak aku alami benda yg sama. Sedih tau tak? Sedih sebab aku berlaku tak adil trhadap kwn2 aku,mereka yg sgt2 care psl aku,tapi aku mcm tak hrgai mereka.

Apa yg aku hrp,akan ada seseorg blh menyedarkan akan. Kalau blh biarlah dia tengking ke mrh aku ke biar aku sedar yg cinta itu masih wujud dlm diri aku. Huhu. Kot2 ye pun,org tu tengking aku mcm ni utk sedarkan aku,"Kenapa kau buta sgt hah?! Kenapa kau buta sgt sampai tak nampak aku yg didepan kau ni,yg sgt2 cintakan kau?! Kau sedih2 mcm ni,kau ingat aku suka ke? Ingat aku tak nampak ke semua kesakitan yg kau alami?! Sampai bila kau nak mcm ni hah?! Aku syg kau,kau tau tak?!" Huhu.. Tp itu hanyalah mimpi. Haha. -.- Berangan je lebih. Huhu. :(

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Thursday, February 9, 2012

The Sand of My Heart

Time flies so fast huh? Quiet a long time since the last time i met him personally. Finally,the time has come. I met him last night and we have a long talk. At first,he texted me cause he wanna meet me and invited me to watch a movie,but since it's almost 9pm,i rejected the invitation. He didn't give up to persuade me to meet him and finally I agreed to meet him. I just can't refuse to meet him. Huhu. Like usual,we met at our 'favorite' place,where we always meet before. Haihh.. Missing that place so much. Since the break ups,I rarely went there. I happened to get hurts when i see 'us' there. You get what i mean? The memories. Yeah. I still could see 'us' around me. :( That place kept 1001 story of our love. You can say that "bulan dan bintang,ombak dan angin bayu,menjadi saksi cinta kita". Hahaha. What the?? :D

*haha.. speaking pulak kan? :D*

:) What can i say? I just happy cause still get the chance to see him. Yeah you know.. God took him away from me. God doesn't give me the opportunity to be with him anymore. God didn't bring him back to me again. But I thank God because He is still giving me the opportunity to see him even from a distance. :') That what i was think about. I did saw him from a distance for several times. Whether he noticed it or not,i was there. We ever bumped into each other,but we acted like we don't know each other. It hurts me so bad. :') I can't help it whenever I see him around,I feel like wanna run away so that I won't see the face of someone that I misses so much. Weird huh? I misses him,but when I saw him,I wanted to run. Haha. :'D

Last night,we talked about our past. =/ He asked me how does he treated me all this while. Did he treated me well or not? All have been answered. Talked about it,realized me that i've put to much efforts on him,on our relationship. I realized that I spent so much time on him eventho' I've been ignored most of the time. I used to sacrificed my rest and sleep time just wanted to wait for him come back from work or having fun with friends,just because I wanted to text with him. Now he's with other girl. Whatever he told me about it last night,I just don't want to care too much,cause the more I care,the more I get hurt. I'm not hesitate to beg him that if one day he see me around while he's with her,I want him to hide himself. You know why? Cause I don't want to see him with any other girl. Not now please. Like i tell you,I'll get hurt more and more.

He said he needs some changes in life,I told him,he would never change,not so soon,but maybe in this 2 3 years. It's not that I hope the bad for him. Don't get me wrong. Above all that,I hope and pray so that his heart can be change. I want him to be a lover. Eventho' i just knew him for a year,but I discovered a lot about him. Maybe I get wrong on certain thing but I know him more than you do. *There are so many BUT huh?*

He loves to get hurt by a girl. That's him. I wonder,am I never hurt him? Is that why he leaved me? =.=' I asked myself this question once. Huhu. But all I know is I will never hurt the person that I love the most. I even not willing to see him sulking nor get angry on him. Sayang gilaaaa lah katakan. :') Haha. I promised to myself before that our relationship will not end because I'm cheating or because of the 3rd party. It has proven. Sadly,it ends because he gave up on me,on this relationship. He have many reason to stay,but He chose to give up on me. I have many reason to give up on him,but i chose to stay. He said he loves me,but he loves entertainment more. It's really hurting me you know? :(

Last night,I kept look at the moon,just like I'm looking for some hope,hopes that he will come back for me. But the hope seems fading away. And i realized that,there's no use to keep hoping anymore. So sad you know? Even the sky is so cloudy and make it's hard for me to see the moonlight. Arhh! Very dissappointing! :( I missed his warm hug,his hot kisses on my cheek and forehead. *EH! Budak under 18 tak blh baca ni! haha. =.=' * Hmm.. I miss to bite him when i'm so gerammmm with him. That's my habit bah. Couldn't help it so much. (T^T) I misses him petting my hair,calling me 'sayang',and the most I missed is when he manja2 with me. Huhu. I misses everything about him lah. Eventho' he's beside me,but what i need to say are not revealed by the words. :( And the worst way to miss someone is when they are right beside you and yet you know you can never have them. :(

I wants him so badly till I sempat2 pray there (at the place where we meet last night) so that God bring him back to me. LOL. Bodoh right? Like my friend said just now,"your heart just can't let him go yet." Oh you know what? I won't move on,i'll just follow the flow. What's the point if I say I move on but I still think about it? No use also right? Sooner or later I'll move on,it just it's not the time yet. So,the best way is just follow the flow. 

To people that keep asking me,why am I still like this? Why don't I just move on? Why I still get sad? Please don't ask me why. Let time decide how it will going on okay? :) Hey buddy,I know you can't bear to see the sad and pathetic me (and whatever lah),but thanks for being there for me eventho' I didn't ask you to be beside me whenever I'm sad. God,they are just so lovely cause they cared about me. Only You know how grateful I am to have them in my life. :')

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Tuesday, February 7, 2012

Sisa kenangan

Segalanya masih tersimpan rapi.
Kenangan itu..
Yang tak mungkin akan ku lupa. :)
8 bulan lebih menyulam kasih,sudah pasti byk memori yg trcipta.
Aku pasrah dgn segalanya,walaupun aku blm merelakan sepenuhnya. :)
Sudah2 la syg.. Jgn diungkap kata rindu.
Itu semua tiada makna lagi kerana segalanya sudah berakhir.
Akan tetapi diri ini masih menyayangi dirimu.
Masih merindui dirimu.
Masih di sini utk kamu.
Kerana aku masih seperti dulu. :)

P/s: Masa akan mengubati luka di hati. :)

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Saturday, February 4, 2012

Should I?

Sudah lebih 4 minggu aku kehilangan org yg aku syg. Ya,aku msih syg dia,org yg pergi dari hidup aku. Heh.. Aku ni,balik2 crita psl ex juga bila update blog. Kan? =.=' Sorry la kalau korang rasa bosanand menyampah giler baca blog aku ni. Huhu. Tp hrp2 fhm la ye kwn2 smua? :') Aku tak tahu nak buat apa. Mmg aku byk kwn2 yg blh luangkan masa utk mendengar luahan hati aku,tp bila dah sendirian mcm ni dlm blik,fikiran mmg akan ingat dia. Haha. Perkara biasa. Kat mana2 pun pd bila2 msa,aku msih blh fikirkan dia. :'( Hmm..

Aku buntu skrg ni,sgt2 buntu. Aku tnya smua kwn2 aku,should i move on? Mereka kata aku patut move on. "Sudahla2 tu,tak guna menunggu,dia yg minta smua ni berakhir," kata kwn2. Hmm. Tp sejak aku terima msg dr ex aku mlm hari tu,aku jadi buntu.

S : Sorry if I being unfair to you all this time. Sorry again to hurt you. Sorry for giving up on us.

Me : Hmm.. It's okay. Nak dikesali smua tu pun dah tak guna,benda dah pun terjadi. As long as you realize and remember what I've done for you,what we've been through together,segala pahit manis kita dari awal kita berkawan sampai la kita putus,segala usaha me untuk yakinkan you terus stay. Hmm.. Seriously dear,me rindu nak dgr you call me "sayang". Hmm.. Tp apa blh buat,your "sayang" now is not me,but other girl. :)

S : Hmm.. Honestly,I miss you a lot. :( And I actually regretted on what I've done. But too bad,my ego besar sgt. Thought that i'll be okay without you,but i'm not. Hmm. I still love you,but I need some changes in life. I hope you found someone better. And btw,thanks to your guardian angel (my bestfriend).

Me : Why thanking my guardian angel?

S : Nothing. Just saying. 

Me : =/ Okay,but there's no need to thank my guardian angel. :)

S : Ok then. Hmm. Lead a good life. :)

Me : Hmm.. I love you dear. =')

S : You know I love you too. Hmm. Don't blame me if one day,I take you back even you were other's.

Me : =') Set your heart. Love what's belong to you. No regret,please be happy.

S : You belong to me. *i'm gasping reading this*

Me : But you belong to other. Haha. :') *actually i don't really laughing*

S : Hmm..

Okay.. Sebab tu la aku smpai skrg aku buntu. Aku nak move on,tp hati aku blm mahu. :'D Knpa aku blm mahu? Sebab hati aku makin hari makin keras. Skrg aku perlu buat keputusan. Tak perlu move on atau cari pengganti. Alahh.. Kalau aku nak move on pun,bkn dpt move on 100 %,so better jgn la. Follow the flow je. Dah tu,nak cari pengganti? Tu pun baik jgn la. Biarlah berkawan dulu. Apa guna aku terima org lain skrg ni kalau hati aku tak sepenuhnya kat org tu nanti,kan? Aku tak nak org tu terima akibat dri perbuatan aku. Tapi kalau aku dah betul2 TERjatuh syg kat org tu,masa tu baru la blh dikatakan yg aku dah move on. :') Bila teringat kat kata ex aku tu,sumpah kata2 tu mcm beri aku hrpn masa aku tgh mgharap dia ni. Aku mmg masih mgharap,tp hrpn tu semakin pudar sbb aku sedar,harapan yg aku cipta tu lah yg membunuh kegembiraan aku. 

Kekdg aku pun trtanya2,sampai bila aku nak mcm ni? Hmm.. Aku nak tanya dia,adakah dia mksudkan apa yg dia katakan seperti yg di atas sana,tp aku tak tahu mcm mana nak tnya. Zzz.. Cuma aku rasa,semua tu tak mungkin la. Aku kenal sgt2 dia tu,walaupun baru setahun aku kenal dia. Dlm masa setahun ni,mcm2 blh brlaku,and kemungkinan pada masa tu nanti,pendirian dia berubah and tak mustahil kalau sampai bila2 pun dia takkan kembali atau ambil aku dari org lain. Hmm.. :) Tp skrg ni,walaupun aku agak tak ok,tp aku happy la juga dgn adanya kwn2 yg selalu ada dgn aku. God,I love them so much. :) Who says we only need a couple to feel love? Dgn kwn2 pun kita blh rasa diri disygi & dicintai bah kan? Ececeh wahh. Hehe.

P/s : Move on? Or follow the flow?

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Wednesday, February 1, 2012

Memories of January

Helo reader! :)
I'm back! I'm back! Ngee~ :D
Okey,February dah kembali lagi. Alahai.. Cepat je masa sebulan tu berlalu kan? Huhu. Goodbye sad January,hello February! Be nice with me k? I hope there's no more tears at night. :') Huhu. Hope je lah,tp sure la lepas ni pasti ada lagi. Ceh~ :|

Flashback balik apa yg dah berlaku spanjang bulan January 2012 ni,kebanyakkannya kisah sedih la,tp byk juga la yg menggembirakan. Haha. Dlm masa 31 hari ni,byk prkara luar biasa yg brlaku dlm hidup aku. Biar aku list dulu ok? Hehe.

Okay.. So here's the things that happened in my life sepanjang bulan January ni. :)

1. Aku putus cinta. Sedih tak? Of course la sedih gila babeng.. Haha. Seminggu aku mghilangkan diri dari dunia Facebook oo.. Tak ramai yg tau. Tp lepas aku stated yang aku single,ramai pulak yg tanya. Jenuh aku nak cerita. =.= Yg pasti,ada la org tu kata dia tak la happy atas perpisahan aku dan ex aku,tp yg sebenarnya dia happy giler2.. Haha. Sial habis. Tak pyh nak drama sgt la kau. :D

2. Aku dpt jumpa kwn yg aku btl2 nak jumpa slma ni. Yeah. Nama dia Shelly a.k.a Umang. Dia ex-gf kpd kwn ex-bf aku. :D Kitorg byk hang out sama. Pergi Esplanade,pergi lepak,minum2 and karaoke. Then byk crita yg dikongsi bersama juga. :)

3. Aku dpt bertemu kembali dgn ex2 senior aku,iaitu abg kpd Fizan (kwn ex-bf aku),nama dia Mr. A and aku juga bertemu kembali dgn anak kpd ckgu BI aku time aku kat sklh rendah dulu,Mr. P. Err.. How blh bertemu kembali? Semuanya gara2 kami keluar lepak beramai2. :)

4. Semua org2 sekeliling aku buat aku happy. Tapi bila aku sorang2,aku blh sedih. Hoho. Biasalah tu kan? Bila bored je,ingat hal sedih2. Tapi sometimes ingat juga lah hal2 manis. Antara perkara manis,byk kwn2 ambil berat sal aku,aku dpt present cake Black Forest dr buddy aku,aku hang out and happy2 dgn kwn2 aku. Pergi visited time CNY dgn kwn2. Smua best la. Yg sedih ialah bila menyentuh soal hati. Huhu. :)

5. Ex aku,Mr. S,still care about me. Kdg2 itu buat aku sedih,rimas,happy,mrh pun ada. Haaa... Dlm FB,in a relationship dgn adik kpd kwn aku sndiri. Ceh.. Knpa msti dgn org yg aku knl? Dah tu adik kpd kwn aku sendiri pulak tu.  =/ Aku benci. Haha. Tp aku x blh kehilangan dia. So,aku pilih utk trus brhubung dgn dia. Alih2,ex aku pun x nak khilangan aku. Lagipun dia kata,smpai bila2 aku tetap lebih seorg kwn kdp dia. Mksud dia,aku tetap jadi ANGEL dlm hidup dia. Huhu. Byk yg dia confess kat aku lepas kami break ni. Which is dia mcm blame diri sendiri atas semua yg brlaku. :') Sudah la. Perkara dah brlalu. Nyesal pun x guna.

6. Aku dpt kwn baru,org Selangor kalau x silap. Hehe. Dia kwn kpd my G.A :) Mereka knal smasa sma2 ikut program PLKN tu. Nama dia Faris. Hehe. Aku letak ekslusif nama dia kat sini. Sebab aku tau,dia akan baca. Haha. Dri awal dulu,dia add aku kat FB,tp aku ignore je request dia. Haha. Aku kan x mudah nak approve org yg aku x kenal,lebih2 lagi kalau tgk mutual friend sekor 2 ekor je. Haha. Jahatnya guna ayat ekor2 ni. :D Sampai la dia sent lgi friend rq tu,baru la aku approved. Trnyata dia kwn yg baik oh. Serius ni. Bila dia brkata2,sumpah aku teringat kat G.A aku. Huhu.

7. Aku happy ada kwn2 yg selalu ada utk aku,terutama nya Mr. VLM ni. Dulu dia emo gileee oh. Tp skrg agak kurang la,tp msih juga la emo tu. Haha. Dia pun kwn kpd G.A aku. Dia ni care sgt2 psl aku,kdg2 smpai aku rimas pun ada. Haha. Dulu selalu perang dingin o ngan dia. :| Tp skrg ok la. Kdg2 aku trasa mcm menyusahkan dia sbb dia selalu risau ttg aku. Argh.. Rasa bersalah pulak dah. Huhu. Dia ni sweet,baik,caring,suka sgt tlg org smpai ada yg mengambil kesempatan ke atas kebaikan dia. Aku pun mrh la jugak tgk dia ni baik sgt. Haha. Knpa la aku dikelilingi dgn org yg baik2 ni. =.=' Mcm aku sorg je yg nakal and jahat antara mereka2 ni. Ish ish ish. Tp apa2 pun aku bersyukur la sbb ada mereka. Sekurang2 nya aku tau,yg msih ramai lg yg sygkan aku kat dunia ni. Sekurang2 nya itu mmbuat kan aku sedar,dunia ni tak la kejam sgt. Kan? Hidup ini tak seindah biasa pun. :)

8. Aku dpt surat dr org di NZ. 2 surat diterima dlm bulan ni. Surat pertama,aku dpt time aku bru sehari break dgn ex aku,Mr. S. Surat kedua aku dpt 30 January lepas. Hmm.. Apa yg ditulis dlm surat2 tu,biarlah aku yg tau. :)

9. Aku sakit? Hmm.. Tak la aku tau camne nak ckp. Nak ckp sakit,aku sihat je. Cuma ada mslh sikit la dlm tubuh aku ni. Jenuh juga la aku pergi buat MC dlm masa seminggu tu pd 2 minggu yg lepas. Smpai kan kes aku dirujuk ke doktor pakar. So,2 minggu lagi aku kena ambil sick leave,tak dtg sklh,and pergi jumpa pakar kat hospital. Aisehh.. Tgk la apa hasil prbincangan dgn pakar tu nnti. Hrp2 x da apa2 la. *tgn didada,mata pejam* :)

Baiklah,tu je kot yg aku dpt simpulkan. Byk lagi kot apa yg trjadi dlm hidup aku sepanjang bulan January ni. Tapi biarlah mnjadi rahsia aku ataupun some of them aku lupa kot.
Al-maklum la aku ni pelupa sikit. Haha. Menyesal tak makan kismis byk2. :D
Baiklah,beta dah penat menaip. See you again. Have a nice day ya? ^^

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