CLICK HERE FOR BLOGGER TEMPLATES AND MYSPACE LAYOUTS »

Friday, January 27, 2012

Hidup Seindah Biasa

Seminggu dah x blogging. Kinda missed my blog so much. :'( Selalu nak blogging,tp bila dah buka blog and nak buat new post,mesti kepala jadi blur. Asyik fikir nak mulakan entry mcm mana. Aishh.. Fikir tajuk lagi,pastu nak fikir lagi nak blogging psl apa. :/ Susah jugak nak blogging ni. Hahaha. :D Tajuk yg kat atas tu pun mcm xda kaitan ja? Haha. Lantak la. Janji ada. Ngee~ ^^v


So how's your day readers? Hope it is awesome lah kan? Don't be like me. I draw a smile on my face and i laugh till i can't breath well,it is just for a while. It is not fake,but hey.. I do can smile and laugh,i seem happy but the wound was still felt. Haha. =.=' Byk bnda yg buat aku happy tp aku msh jga nak berduka lara. Cehh~ Knpa aku x penat2 brduka lara ni? Hurm.. Well,sometimes mmg aku happy,tp bila sorg2,mula la nak brduka cita. Haha. Sumpah smpai skrg aku msih rindukan dia. Cinta? Haha.Biarlah hati aku yg tau. :')

Skrg ni aku happy dgn hidup aku,walaupun ada certain things yg buat aku sedih,geram,hampa and marah,tapi sejak dua menjak ni ada la juga org2 yg buat aku happy. Haih.. Nak tau? Dlm minggu ni je,hmpir setiap hari aku keluar. Haha. Cam best jak kan? xD Yelah. Mentang2 cuti seminggu kan? Ni dah nak habis cuti,kembali busy la dgn hal sklh nnti. Heh.. Tu cam x best jak? :D Cuti seminggu ni aku habiskan masa dgn keluar ke pantai2 di Miri ni,pergi shopping dgn kwn,keluar lepak and karaoke dgn kwn2. Then pergi visited rumah kwn yg smbut CNY. Haha. Mmg best la minggu ni.

Cuma satu yg aku hrp,aku hrp aku pun bahagia mcm dia. Ya,mcm dia. Kalau dia senang2 je happy dgn org baru,aku pun nak juga. Tapi bukan atas dasar suka2 nak in a relationship,aku nak yg serius punya. Tp nmpaknya kena tggu aku recover dulu. =.= Kbye.



Suka? Click LIKE. Nak komen? Komen je. :)

Wednesday, January 18, 2012

What's wrong with me? What I've done?! :(

I don't know what's wrong with me. I don't know what I've done to myself and even to other people especially my friends that loves me and really care about me. :( I go againsts them,to every words they say. :( Felt so down for 2 weeks already. Aahh! Fuck lah. :'/ I really want to be happy again,like before. But challenges keep coming to me. Aku jatuh habis tau tak? Byk kwn2 yg bantu aku utk terus kuat hadapi semua ni. Tapi aku tetap mcm ni. Degil and ikutkan sgt kata hati. I'm still crying over it. I'm still hoping for something that has gone away.


I have lost my love,my everything,yet i almost lost my friend. I think so. :'/ Eh. I really want to move on but it just like i still can't do it. Like i said,i still put some hopes. Hmm.. He said i can be strong like before. Yes i can,but it's different compare to the last time i get hurt. Situasi x sama pun tau x?! That's what's make it's hard for me to move on. No one ever know what happened to me. I've changed alot. I wonder who wanna be with a girl like me and will accept me as who i am. :( That's what i afraid of. Silly me. -.-'

I still remember i cried in front of my friend,in front of the Woodpecker,that night. I just can't stand and hide that i'm dying inside. I get drunk a bit. A bit okay? But i'm still alright. Still can drive home safely. =.=' Zzz.. God still loves me huh? I'm still alive till today. Ha ha.~ =.=' I still remember what my friend told me that night. He comforts me and try to open my eyes to see things clearly. He said everything is over but i told him,i know everything is over,but my love for *him* is not over yet.

That night,my other friend also get mad of me. I was like~ WHAT THE FUCK?! This person also tried to bring me back to the reality. I'm crying in the toilet of the bar where it just the only place where i think could be the place i'm being alone for a while. I cried a lot that night. I was so down you know?

There's so many things that keep reminds me of him,the one that got away. Lately i keep listen people say "my angel" to me. Secara tak sengaja one of my friend say that to me. Terkejut jugak la. Then my sister say that words also. My God! What's going on with them?? Then,i keep on listening to sad songs. Then i cried myself to sleep. Anytime la. My sleep time also dah x menentu skrg ni. I sleep anytime i want. Hmm...

I know,i got many friends that loves me more than i love myself. Hah. I could i expect that. Terasa hina sbb terasa diri ni lah budak paling jahat antara mereka semua. Haha. Tlg lah. My classmates semua nya budak baik ok? They don't keluar mlm like i did,don't drink,don't go to night club (i never go to that place yet),they also don't do something that can humiliate themself la. Aduh.. Then my others friends,they are so kind. Religious a bit. Ha ha. You know i know la who i mean. :D There goes "MY GUARDIAN ANGEL". Dari dulu sampai skrg. It just like,dia selalu tau bila time aku sedih walaupun aku tak bagitau yg aku tgh sedih. Even time aku sakit and tak dtg sklh hari tu pun,dia tau. Entah mcm mana la dia tau,sdgkan dia jauh kat Kuching. Pergh~ Hmm.. Kwn2 dah cuba byk cara utk sedarkan aku supaya jadi lebih kuat. Naah.. It is not that easy as they thought. :')

Dlm aku bersedih,byk juga perkara yg buat aku rasa gembira wlupun gembira itu hanya smentara. Bkn aku x hrgai setiap saat aku brgembira,tp percayalah,kesedihan itu lebih terasa berbanding dgn saat gembira yg aku rasai. Smpaikan aku teringin sgt nak pergi jauh dr org2 yg berkaitan,dr tmpat ni. Tp aku tak dpt. =.='

Skrg ni,rasa bersalah aku kat sorang kwn trsgt la tebal. Aku dah buat dia kecewa dgn aku diri aku yg tak masuk nasihat. Smpaikan dia mrh,aku blh pulak mrh dia balik. I'm sorry buddy. :'( Didn't mean to hurt you.







Suka? Click LIKE. Nak komen? Komen je. :)

Saturday, January 14, 2012

Still hoping..

Yup. I'm still put some hopes,such a high hopes. Hmm.. Dah more than a week smua nya berlalu,tpi aku msih brharap yg smua nya kembali sprti biasa. (T^T)
Aku msih kat sini,menanti dia kembali. Tp tak mungkin dah kan? Dia yg btl2 nak pergi,aku x dpt buat apa2 selain melihat dia pergi. Memang menyakitkan melihat dia pergi,tpi lebih menyakitkan aku bila tau yg dia takkan kembali. Mcm dulu. :(
Aku dah try utk singkirkan dia dr fikiran aku,tp x blh. Apa2 yg aku buat,kat mana aku berada,dgn siapa aku bersama,tak kira la dlm kelas ke,time keluar dgn family ke,time aku driving ke.. Eh,dia sntiasa dlm fikiran lah!
Huhu.. Knpa aku msih mengharap dia? Sebab aku cinta. Knpa aku cinta? Sbb hati aku syg dia. Knpa hati aku syg dia? Sbb dia pernah buat aku bahagia even seteruk mana pun mood aku that day.
Dia lepaskan aku semata2 dia tak ada masa utk aku,utk segala yg berkaitan dgn aku. Haih.. Aku x minta 24/7 masa dr dia. Dia blh cari aku bila2 dia free,aku akan sentiasa ada utk dia. Even pun dia rasa dia xda bila setiap kali aku perlukan dia. Tapi aku x kisah pun. Hurm~

Kalau dia dah jtuh hati kat org lain,aku pasrah ja lah.. Cinta x seharusnya memiliki. Tapi hati aku masih nak miliki dia. Erk? =.=' Hmm.. K bye.
P/s: Aku rindu dia. Segalanya tentang dia. :'/


Suka? Click LIKE. Nak komen? Komen je. :)

Wednesday, January 11, 2012

I kiss the rain,baby :')

It's 1 am on January of 11 2012. Aku suppose dah tido time ni. Tapi tak tau knpa hati ni berkeras tak mau pergi tido. Walaupun mata mengantuk sgt2. Pergh~ Ptg tadi pun tak tido juga. :| Yah.. Knpa ni wei?? Knpa ngan aku? Title entry pun lain mcm je. Aku cium hujan. Ececehh~ Biar btl kan? -.-'

K. Mcm yg kwn2 terdekat tau,hubungan aku dgn dia dah putus. Sobsobsob. Beberapa hari lepas kami putus. Tp bru semalam ramai org tau pasal ni. Heran x? Heran x? Hehe. Sehari sblm kami break up,aku membawa diri,menyepi dari dunia Facebook. Tau2 la kan,kat Facebook tu byk org kepoh. Erm.. But then,bila kami dah break pd hari tu,dia ada online fb,tapi aku tak tau knpa dia tak tukar je relationship status dia kat fb tu. Still jugak married ngan aku. =.=' Aku sibuk tanya adik angkat and kwn2 aku utk tgk2 kalau relationship aku dah berubah,tapi msih cam tu gak. :O Aku dah bgtau si dia utk tukarkan smua tu,tapi x tau la knpa tak tukar2 jga. Even DP pun msih gmbr kami brdua. Hmm. :'/ Aku tak nak on9 sbb aku x nak tgk smua tu. So,aku menyepi hampir seminggu. Perasaan nak on9 tu mmg ada lah,tapi aku tahan je. Aargghh~ Terseksa gak x on9 ni. Hahaha. Tp ptg semalam,tak tahan dah. Dr aku biar lama2,bgus aku tukar.

Then,sperti biasa,ramai yg tnya,what happened,is it true,blablablabla.. Then bagi aku kata2 semangat blablablabla.. Ye lah,aku mmg dah kuat,tapi apa yg aku post semlm brdasarkan apa yg aku pendam selama beberapa hari ni. Dah berapa hari aku tak menangis kerana dia. Awesome mehh! :D Tawar hati nak nangis ah. Mata aku pun tau penat gak asyik mengeluarkan air ja. Urgh.. Then,td aku teringat yg hari tu time aku nangis2 on the phone ngan kwn aku,dia tgh mainkan satu lagu kat notebook dia,so aku tanya apa tajuk lagu tu,best bunyi dia,sedih2 pun ada gak. So aku pergi la search lagu tu kat You Tube. Piano version lagu ni mmg banyak la dlm tu,aku tak puas hati,nak cari gak yg ada lyrics. :D Cari punya cari,jumpa la yg ada lyrics. Aww~ Aku hayati lagu tu,ulang byk kali,then aku tetiba air mata jatuh. LOL. Yg buat aku nangis ialah rasa terkilan aku. Sbb aku dah lama tak jumpa dia,even time kami masih bersama,kami tak berkesempatan nak jumpa sbb masing2 takda masa.

Aku tak tau yg hari tu akan jadi hari terakhir aku tgk dia,aku pegang tgn dia,aku sentuh pipi dia,aku ucap kata cinta,dgr dia kata "I Love You Syg",and hari tu jugak la kali terakhir dia cium pipi and dahi aku. :'( Kalau aku tau hari tu adalah hari terakhir kami bertemu (sebagai pasangan kekasih),aku pastikan yg aku buat segala yg terbaik utk dia,supaya dia dpt kenang semua tu. (T^T) At least aku tinggalkan kenangan terindah buat dia.

Tapi ........... Semua dah berakhir lah. Aku akan sentiasa ingat yg dia selalu kata,aku lah wanita pertama yg dia btl2 cinta,kalau sebelum ni,dia tak kisah sgt kehilangan kekasih,tpi aku ubah sglanya. Dulu kan kami pernah break,lepas return tu la dia kata mcm tu. Then,bila dah putus ni,dia selalu kata,aku adalah lebih dari seorang kwn kpd dia,kerana aku lah angel dia. :') Dia minta aku stay sebagai angel dia. So yah.. I do. Tapi pa2 pun,aku lepaskan dia dgn berat hati. Aku blm redhai semua ni,tp aku pasrah. Ketahuilah,hati ini masih syg padanya,cuma jodoh antara kami tak panjang pun,tak kemana..

Sebenarnya,sebelum kami sah putus hbgn,aku dah dpt rasa perkara ni akan trjadi dlm wktu trdekat. Ternyata benar yg sglanya akan berakhir. So skrg,aku dah blh move on la,cuma sedikit sebyk emosi msih terganggu. Tapi aku dah dpt hindar diri aku dr fikirkan dia,cuma kdg2 bila dia tetiba ada msg aku,aku fikirkan dia memanjang terus,susah nak henti2. :'D Jgn risau lah,aku skrg dah dpt ketawa byk drpd menangis byk. Wlupun bila fikirkan segala2 nya jadi sia2,tp at least,aku menjadi kenangan terindah buat dirinya. :')

I know we will never be together again,then why am i still standing here and kiss the rain?
I will let the rain wash away my tears. :)


Suka? Click LIKE. Nak komen? Komen je. :)