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Wednesday, December 25, 2013

It's a God plans

Everything happened for a reason. After the break up,I'm trying hard to moving on as the breaking up was my decision. Why? Because I don't know how to make it works. My attention,my love,my time.. I can't give them to him. Eventho' it's hard to let him go,but I have to. I can't bear to see him sad because of me. :') I don't want him to get angry often with my attitudes. Yes,I'm not the same girl he knew few years ago. I've changed. At the time I let him go,I still love him. I still care. But I'm giving up on our relationship as I see there's no other way for us to stay with each other. It's hard for me. Seeing him happy there,I feel sad. Maybe it's because I know that he's happy even without me. And I'm not the reason behind his smile anymore. :') But at the other side,I'm glad to know that it seems like I've made the right decision. :') Sometimes I miss our moments together,I miss his warm hugs when he's trying to calm me down.. :'( I just missed everything. Everything. Whenever I think about him,I will cry because I miss him too much! I'm wishing for something that won't happen. That he will wait for me someday,but I know he wouldn't. Because he moved on and maybe other girl catches his eyes. :')

Few days ago,I was in Kuching. I thought I would be okay,but I'm not. We texted and argued. Yes I'm mad at him. Don't know why. But he's right,I should move on. Maybe he's telling me to forget him. I accepted that with hard feeling. :'(

And last week,I got a sudden message in FB from my long lost ex boyfriend. He asked me when will I come to town and would like to hang out with me once I'm there. Since it's a very rare opportunity,I agreed to meet him. So on my last day in Kuching,he came before 9am and greet my family. Then we straight away go to pick up his friend at Stampin Tengah. The 3 of us went to BDC area to have a breakfast. I had Laksa for me! :D My all time favorite. Done with breakfast,we went to City One Megamall to catch a movie and we picked 47 Ronin's movie. We skipped our lunch and after the movie,we went to Permai Resort. I love the view. We took some pictures. Then I let my ex and his friend have fun back there. I sat at one of the rock and I cried,suddenly. At that time,I can't believe that I met my long lost ex today and we were having fun together. I do think of him (my latest ex bf) and suddenly missing him. All of sudden,a question came out from my mind. "God,why did you do this to me? Why did my ex reappear after my breaking up? Why did you let us meet again?" It's sadden me. :'(

Done with 'myself' time at the beach and their beach 'activity',we heading off to have seafood for our dinner. On our way to his car,he walked beside me. He said,"2 years has past,take a look at us. We still can be bestfriend right?" And he gave me a hug on my shoulder. I smiled and replied,"yeah.. :) Let's forget the past." :) I never thought that this day will come. Because the last time we met,we argued and decided not to contact each other anymore. Maybe he realized that what's the point of hating your ex. So it's a God blessing then. He really made my day that day. He made me laughed,annoyed me as well,fed me well. LOL. After dinner,he and his friend send me off to the airport as I'm going back to Miri that night as well. Farewell my friend. :') On the plane,I'm thinking of my latest ex. I don't know why I missed him so much. As I miss him,I cried once again in the plane. And I'm pretty sure the steward noticed that I'm crying because I sit in front of the plane. LOL. But who cares. I'm sad. :'( I miss you. D'x


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Thursday, August 15, 2013

Asam Garam Hidup

Lama aku menghilang tak update2 blog ni. Sorry Mr. Bloggie ^_^ for abandoning you. Hehe. Sepanjang 4 bulan lebih tak update blog,mcm2 benda brlaku dlm hidup ni.


April
Balik kpg,jaga datuk kat hospital. Datuk admitted ke wad RTU di Hospital Umum Sarawak,Kuching. Sebab cells cancer dah merebak ke bahagian kepala dia. Hmm.. 4 thn lepas kot kalau tak silap,dia disahkan menghidap cancer colon,dah operated dah,buang cancer tu. Tp kan once someone diserang cancer,sel2 kanser tu tetap ada dlm bdn walaupun dah dibuang,di operate. Lebih kurang 3 minggu aku jaga datuk kat sana. Lepas tu dia discharged. Doktor tak dpt buat apa2 dah. Disuruh bawa balik la,just datuk aku perlu dtg ke hospital utk check up.

Mei
Sekali lagi datuk aku admitted ke hospital,tapi kali ni di Hospital Serian,disebabkan ketiadaan wad kosong di Wad RTU di Hospital Umum Sarawak,Kuching. Time ni datuk aku dah dlm keadaan tenat. Dia dah tak bermaya nak bercakap,tak nak makan & minum,asyik tidur memanjang. Kat Hospital Serian ni datuk aku diberi bantuan pernafasan,disalurkan hos ke hidung dia utk membolehkan kami beri dia mkn & minum,disediakan juga saluran utk dia buang air kecil. Time ni datuk aku dah tak dpt nak bergerak dah. Sedih sgt2 time ni tgk keadaan datuk mcm tu. Tiba2 rasa sebak sgt2,tak mcm sebelum ni,datuk aku masih bertenaga lg utk berjalan,mkn,minum,bergurau ngan kami cucu2 dia. Seminggu lebih jaga datuk kat sini,doktor sarankan kami bawa datuk balik ke rumah. Jadi proses utk keluarkan datuk dr hospital pun dilakukan mlm tu juga. Sampai di rumah,ramai saudara mara dan orang kpg dtg menjenguk walaupun masa tu dah jauh lewat mlm. :'( Esok hari nya,kami menjalani hidup seperti biasa. Aku tlg mak cik aku mandikan datuk,bagi dia makan & minum. Tapi siapa sangka,datuk pergi meninggalkan kami kira2 pd jam 3.20 petang. :'( 3 hari 3 mlm la kami berkabung di rumah. Sedih juga dgn pemergian datuk. Hmm.. Jadi kerana kami masih dlm berkabung,kami tak menyambut Hari Gawai.

Jun
Selepas selesai urusan aku di kpg,aku pun balik la ke rumah di Miri. Dah balik Miri,aku tak buat apa2 pun selain jadi driver mak dan kakak ipar aku iaitu hantar dan ambil mereka balik kerja. So kerja aku di rumah ialah,aku sapu lantai,cuci pakaian,masak dan sebagainya. Ada masa terluang,aku tidur petang,tapi selalunya aku layan drama,korean show and movie. Haha. Begitula hidup aku yg membosankan. Bulan ni juga merupakan genap setahun aku dan boyfie couple. Adehai.. Bahagia? Memang aku bahagia. Haha. Walaupun kadang2 brgaduh tapi sabar je lah. Lumrah bercinta katakan. Hehe.

Julai
Rutin harian aku masih sama. Rasanya tak da benda yg best berlaku dlm hidup aku kot. Masih sama seperti bulan Jun tu. Oh.. Boring! :D Tapi awal bulan Julai ni aku frust selama berhari2 juga la sebab permohonan ke universiti tak lulus. Huhu. Aku menangis doe! Sudah la ditambah lagi dgn stress dgn hal rumah. Waa~ Mau tak bertambah stress aku. :'(

Ogos
Awal2 bulan lg hidup aku kucar kacir. Aku dgn boyfie ada masalah. Masalah ketidaksefahamanan la. Biasaaa~ Selalu begitu. Tapi last2 kami decide utk mencuba perbaiki kelemahan masing2,cuba utk memahami dan cuba utk ubah apa yg patut. Sejak itu kami pun ok2 lagi malah makin romantik. Wakakaka. Selain itu,aku dan kawan2 classmate Form 6 dulu berjumpa semula selepas berbulan2 tak duduk semeja. Oh! Betapa rindunya aku dgn masa2 aku di Form 6 dlu. Mcm2 kenangan terimbau kembali. Hehe. Bulan ni pun orang sambut Hari Raya. Aku dan keluarga ada juga visited rumah kawan aku dan bekas jiran kami. Aku ada juga ikut boyfie beraya kat rumah kwn2 dia. Tahun ni aku tak byk menziarah. Sebabnya kawan2 di sekolah dulu tak de menjemput. Hahahaha. Kesian aku. Dilupakan. Hmm.. :( Jadi setakat ini la apa yg aku blh ceritakan. Bulan Ogos belum habis lg. Hahaha.

Lepas Hari Merdeka nanti aku balik ke kpg semula sempena upacara sembahyang utk arwah datuk aku yg ke 100 hari. Sebulan kemudian baru la aku balik ke Miri. Biar lama sikit pun takpe,asal bahagia. Haha. :D Entah2 terus stay sana kot dan bekerja kat sana. Who knows? xD Ok bye. God bless you. :-*


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Friday, March 8, 2013

Keep holding on


Yes.. I will keep holding on,till the very end. I don't know when I will be able to let you go,I think I won't be able to let you go until the end. I don't care how many times you hurt me,I don't care how many times you ask me to let you go,I don't care how many times you mad at me,I don't care how many times I cried because of you,I don't care being hurt by you,I don't care if you wanna let me go hundreds time,as long as I still have you,as long as I still got your love and your heart,as long as you still be here with me. I will keep holding on to you,to us and to our relationship. I love you too much to let you go. I believe and have faith that you are the one for me. I don't care if you think you're not good enough for me,not that perfect enough for me,because I accept you for who you are. I love you just the way you are. I am sorry for my lacknesses,I am sorry for the changes in me,but my heart and my love for you is still remain the same. Just stay with me dear. :(


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