Sunday, January 12, 2014

Feel nothing

But I'm not strong enough to do that now. One day,for sure,after some times,I will look at you and feel nothing.

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Wednesday, January 8, 2014

It's okay

Now,only God knows what I feel inside,what I've been through,and how miserable my life is. And of course,I know too! :P Because it's my life. But one thing for sure is NO ONE KNOWS. :') Yeah.. Sad fact. But I have no idea of how long will I be like this. Time will tells. Someone told me,in order to be happy,I must choose happiness. "Happiness is a choice". I know. But every time I choose happiness,life brings me down. :') Life hit me so hard that I can't keep holding on happiness. I was afraid to be happy because I know there will be a time that I will cry harder than ever. And I did. :'( I think happily ever after is something that impossible to happen. :') I don't know what God has planned. I'd have gave up on everything,I don't know where my life is going,because I only took it day by day. Such a waste huh?

This sad heart of mine,I don't know how to cheer it up again. Dear heart,I'm sorry. :'( I'm sorry that I tortured you this bad. But please do me a favor. Keep on being strong,will you? :'( It's not wrong for you to miss him,but please don't hurt my eyes and force her to cry. You should make my lips smile again. I know they are a very hard tasks for you to do,but I know you will and can do it. :') I trusted you,my heart. I know how deep it kills you when you heard what he told me last time. I know you can't accept it because I can't as well. :'(

As for me,it is hard to say goodbye,it is hard to forget,it is hard to let go and it is hard to moving on when I still love that person,I still miss him so damn much and still can cry whenever I think about him. I know he didn't feel the same. I know he don't love or miss me or will cry for me anymore. :') It's okay. I understand why. :') I do hope for something that I know won't come true. Silly me. It is not wrong to put some hope anyway. I've decided to wait for him as well. But seeing someone can be happy without you.. Hahaha.. You know you rather die than have to see that happen. It made my hopes die. :') How fast someone can forget everything about you especially of what both of you has been through together,how fast that love died,and how fast they can stop loving you. :'( But that's their choices right? What can we do about that then? Hmm..

I tell myself this,he who sees the sadness in my eyes eventho' I'm smiling in front of him. He who sees my insecurities eventho' I show him how strong I am. He who sees my imperfections but still accept me for who I am. He who will say "I know you're not okay" eventho' I tell him I'm alright. He who know my past but still love me. And he who is willing to take care of me for the rest of his life. I will never let him go. If I found someone like this,I will not wait any longer,I will marry him. :') I've had enough with these heartbreaks,I can't take it anymore. But for now,let me be like this. Alone in my own world for awhile. Let me drowning in my own sadness. I'm still in 'mourning' period. :') And I'm not ready to love again. Let see how things will be. Just go with the flow,Christie. Love your heart please. If you can endure the pain,please do so. :')

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